Tiny Schnitzel: A Bundle of Joy and Shenanigans!

Schnitzel Woods was prepped, prepped, prepped for the festive season when my assistant and I met him at his workplace, the Vero Beach Humane Society, where he aids his Mom, Tina, in managing The Books. We were guided to his office and had just settled at a lovely large table when Schnitzel made his entrance, brimming with holiday spirit, wiggling and wagging joyfully, accompanied by his Mom.

Schnitzel, still a puppy, nearly 1, is a rescue dachshund with a gleaming red/cream/white coat, and looking Seriously Dapper, all suited up in a Snazzy Red-and-Green Christmas sweater and an awesome green-and-white checked bow tie. TRAY Cool Kibbles. After a few Enthusiastic and Robust Welcome Barks from Schnitzel; introductions; and the Wag-and-Sniff, I opened my notebook.

My assistant brought out a couple of delicious bacon treats from The Satchel, said “SIT,” as instructed by Schnitzel’s Mom, and even though he’s still a puppy, Schnitzel performed two neat SITS, munched happily, then settled onto his Mom’s lap.

“Mom mentions I’m Food Mo-duh-vaded,” he commented.

“I can totally see that!” I responded. “By the way, excellent holiday on-SOM-bull! Eager to hear your tale.”

“Thanks, Mr. Bonzo! I’m SO thrilled. Mom says I’m gonna get my PICK-shur in the PAY-per, and also plenty of words about ME.”

“That’s correct, Schnitzel: like how your Mom discovered you; what your life’s like, your favorite foods, toys, puppy friends. That sort of story.”

“OK, I can manage that, Mr. Bonzo. Umm, let me think, so, initially, I was in a place called Fur Kids Rescue, in a town named O-calluh, and Mom found me On The Line. Mom had two other dachshunds, and when they became Really Old and had to go to Dog Heaven, she was SO Sad. It took 5 years before she was ready to adopt another dog.

“Anyway, when I was 12 weeks old, Mom drove to O-calluh to pick me up and bring me to my Furever Home. I was SO thrilled. The instant we spotted each other, it was Love At First Sight. I was like Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!! It’s ME! We still snuggle all the time!

“Mom considered naming me Tigger because I’m so bouncy. Or Fabio because of my stunning hair. Or Canole. But I’m actually pleased she selected Schnitzel.”

“It completely fits you!” I concurred.

“Here in the office, my favorite human—except for Mom—is Miss Cindy, she’s the um, I keep forgetting, um, Adm-ministerial As-sistant, or something like that. Anyway, she always has treats, cuddles, and a cozy lap. I’m very well-behaved, especially at work. I even have a potty pad and everything.”

“What do you do when you’re not at work?” I asked.

“At home, I sometimes get the Zoomies. Also, Mom has to carry me up and down the stairs because of my Very Short Legs. I enjoy watching TV if there are animals on it. Oh, and guess what? I once encountered a real CAT. This one time, we were at the pet store and it and I were Nose-to-Nose. I initially thought it was a funny-looking dog. When I later found out it was a CAT, I was like, ‘Cool Kibbles!’”

“Do you swim?”

“Well, yes, I suppose you could say that. I know HOW, at least. I don’t do it intentionally. See, just a little while ago, Mom and I were having what’s called Thanksgiving at a friend’s house, and there was LOTSA food and a big flat thing they referred to as a POOL. I’d never seen one before and I was about to walk over it to reach the grass. So I took a step, and suddenly I was in a gigantic water dish. Mom kind of freaked out and rushed to grab a net to fish me out, but my legs just started paddling, and I reached the edge. No big deal. I guess it was one of those INSTINCTS. Mom pulled me out, and that was the end of it. No more pools. But I do enjoy taking my bath in the kitchen sink, especially with the spray nozzle. Then Mom towel-dries me and sets me in front of the space heater.”

“Woof, Schnitzel, you’re one Cool Pooch!” I exclaimed.

“I have plenty of toys too. Like, there’s a red stuffy pick-up truck beneath the Christmas tree. See? I only tend to chew on things I should. Like, NOT fur-nuh-chur. Almost anything that squeaks is acceptable.

“Plus, I have a TON of dog pals. I LOVE fellow pups! Mom and I visit that Crispy Biscuits Dog Park by the river nearly every day. I LOVE going to the Dog Park. The moment Mom turns onto the bridge, I become VERY VERY EXCITED!

“EVERYONE there knows my name! The dogs AND the humans. I’m pretty sure I’m King of the Dog Park! Well, at least the Small Dog Side. And I have a T-shirt that reads: ‘What Happens At The Dog Park STAYS At The Dog Park.’ Don’t you love it?”

“Absolutely!” I agreed.

“Just to be ABSOLUTELY SURE I get enough exercise, I have an Official Dog Walker, Miss Blayne, two days a week.

“Some of my other friends are Stella, she’s a dachshund like me. And my two nephews, Tater Tot and Graham, they’re Irish Setter/Lab mixes. They both weigh 65 pounds, and I’m just 12, but I’m The Boss. Their Moms are my twin aunts, Cassie and Carli.”

“Your Christmas sweater and your Dog Park T-shirt are SO On Trend! Do you have any other outfits?”

“Oh, yes. Let me see, I have a tux, a bunch of ties, and a life jacket just-in-case. Also Footies if the sand’s too hot for my delicate pads. I don’t love them, but I still have to wear them.

“Just like when I’m going for a Car Ride, I have to sit in my special car seat with my harness on, because it’s For My Own Good. Mom had a Very Scary Incident where she and her dogs were tumbling around when their car rolled over. So that’s NOT negotiable.”

Heading home, I pondered how much joy Schnitzel brings to everyone around him: pooches and humans alike. A small pup with a Very Big Heart, and an important Safety Tip: Always wear your seat harness.