“Journeying Through Care: A Mother’s Relentless Quest Amidst Health Challenges”

Dear Eric: My parents are nearing their 90s, and I feel incredibly lucky that they are living on their own and have financial stability. Nevertheless, my mother has developed an obsession with traveling over the last few years, which has put a great deal of pressure on my sister and me.

This year, she has already taken five international cruises and just as many domestic vacations. My mother faces mobility challenges and has been diagnosed with cognitive impairment, and her physician advised against traveling alone.

Whenever my schedule allows, I’ve accompanied her and observed her forgetting to have meals, becoming disoriented about her current location, struggling to walk during excursions, experiencing discomfort, and spending half the day resting. Just last month, she was unable to navigate online boarding for her cruise or locate the vehicle I had arranged for her upon arriving in my city.

She stayed with me for several days afterward, hardly leaving the couch, often expressing how exhausting the trip was. Less than two weeks following that, she expressed plans for another extended cruise to Asia next year; she had evidently forgotten all about her recent experience. I was so distressed that I needed to terminate the call.

At this stage, what options do we have? We don’t wish to take away something she anticipates, even if she no longer truly enjoys it and we proposed alternating taking her on three or four shorter trips annually. This didn’t help, and my father, who is almost 90, has long since resigned from the situation. Should we consider canceling her credit cards or other extreme measures?

– Globe Trotter

Dear Globe: I understand that this is worrisome, and you want to act in your mother’s best interest, but hold off on grabbing the credit cards and scissors just yet. Attempting to strip her of control may lead her to distance herself from you or sever ties. She will require your support as she moves forward.

If feasible, you or your sister should accompany her to the doctor and discuss in detail what the doctor observes regarding her decline. Compare the physician’s observations with your own perceptions and experiences.

With both the physician and your mother, openly express your worries about her traveling and solicit the doctor’s advice. Even if the doctor merely restates that solo travel isn’t advisable, inquire about alternative strategies and methods to assist your mother in retaining her memories. It’s crucial to involve her in her care.

In cases of cognitive decline, it often requires numerous discussions before a loved one decides to change. However, maintaining honesty and empathy toward your mother while also being firm about the necessity of her being more involved in her care will empower her while providing the support she requires. The Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) offers a plethora of resources and guidance to assist you as well.

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Send inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.