I reconnected with my ex-girlfriend — however could have stated the “L-word” approach too quickly

DEAR ABBY: I not too long ago reconnected with a girl I dated briefly within the Eighties and haven’t seen since. She’s round my age. We each had been married one 12 months aside, had daughters one 12 months aside, and received divorced after 20-year marriages. She noticed me on a social media web site and advised I name her to “catch up on things,” which I did.

This led to an invite to satisfy for a chunk to eat and extra discuss, which I gladly accepted. We dwell two hours aside, and I drove to her dwelling to satisfy her. We had a terrific day and night, and, as I used to be leaving, I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek, whereupon she planted one on me. I wasn’t anticipating it, but it surely was superior! I felt like a faculty child with a crush. I had forgotten that emotions like this had been even attainable.

We have spent each weekend collectively since that assembly final month. I’ve a particular place in my coronary heart for her, even from so way back. My downside: I stated the “L-word” approach too quickly. I wanted to rectify my misstep and defined it was meant to symbolize “caring and affection,” versus being romantically “in love” along with her, which, for me, is an ongoing, extra protracted course of (more often than not).

I advised her I’ve no expectation of her reciprocating, and I simply wished her to know that I take care of her and all the time have. I do know some girls (and perhaps males) shudder at listening to these phrases too quickly in a relationship; she could also be certainly one of them. Anything else I can do to minimize her trepidation as we progress? Is there any advisable timeframe for appropriately professing one’s romantic love? — FORMER EX IN TEXAS

DEAR FORMER EX: I want you had talked about how this girl reacted when the phrase “love” escaped your lips. Did she smile? Cringe? Remain silent? There isn’t any timetable for expressing love. The time to make use of the phrase is when one feels it. Sometimes the sensation lasts; generally it doesn’t. From now on, take your cues from her. If what you stated made her uncomfortable, you’d already know. Let your relationship progress at its personal fee and resist the urge to pressure it.

DEAR ABBY: I dwell with a person I like very a lot. We purchased our first dwelling after we had been 23. We had two youngsters collectively and likewise raised my sister. We each work and need for nothing.

The downside? He’s an alcoholic. He by no means will get loud or imply; he simply quietly goes to sleep. From the skin, he appears like the best man. But Abby, I’m so lonely that I cry generally. He’s asleep by 2 or 3 p.m. on the weekends. We infrequently exit. We are each 57, all the children have moved out and we must be having enjoyable. I need to journey, dance and hike. He’s pleased getting drunk within the storage. Help! — LONESOME OUT WEST

DEAR LONESOME: Have you talked with him to see which points have pushed him to dwell this fashion? Nowhere in your letter did you point out that you’re really married to this man. Life isn’t a costume rehearsal, and you’ve got paid your dues. If your dream is to bounce and hike, get on the market and do it.

Because “Rip Van Winkle” is handed out, it gained’t be such as you’re neglecting him, and he gained’t miss you. Because you need to journey, organize to do it with associates. And, because you didn’t point out that you just’re planning to finish your relationship, take into account attending Al-Anon conferences (al-anon.org/info) so you will discover help and the energy to start residing your life the best way you need, which is what he has been doing.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.