I throw intercourse toys at WNBA video games. Why maintain me accountable?

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Sometimes I’ll be round girls and I’ll carry up my meme coin, and I can inform they do not actually perceive what a meme coin is and do not get how humorous it’s that we’re calling it Green Dildo Coin.

I’m a dude who spends his days investing in cryptocurrency and his nights throwing intercourse toys onto the courtroom at WNBA video games, and for the lifetime of me, I can’t determine why I’m so lonely.

It definitely isn’t my fault. Nothing is my fault. I’m a crypto man who makes misogynistic jokes about issues on the web after which generally carries rubber intercourse toys into WNBA arenas and throws them onto the courtroom, disrupting the sport and risking participant damage to be able to draw consideration to my intelligent meme coin group, Green Dildo Coin.

Why wouldn’t everybody wish to hang around with me, like, actually on a regular basis?

Male loneliness epidemic making me throw intercourse toys at WNBA video games

It must be the male loneliness epidemic.

I’ve some sturdy opinions on that ‒ and the way it’s all of the fault of girls who refuse to go on dates with me so I can clarify to them the hilarity of my meme coin.

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Sometimes I’ll be round girls and I’ll carry up my meme coin, and I can inform they don’t actually understand what a meme coin is and don’t get how humorous it’s that we’re calling it Green Dildo Coin after which throwing inexperienced intercourse toys at WNBA video games to attract consideration to a factor that doesn’t technically exist.

As a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games, I do know I’m humorous

So I say to them, “Hey, if you don’t understand what a meme coin is, I’d be happy to spend several hours explaining it to you over a coffee date where I talk the entire time, use the word ‘actually’ a perfectly cool amount and ask you nothing about yourself. And then you can have sex with me.”

But they all the time both say no or stroll away laughing, and that makes me wish to return to my online meme coin group and speak to them about how the ladies who created the male loneliness epidemic have made it arduous for me to attach with girls.

If Donald Trump Jr. thinks my WNBA hijinks are humorous, they have to be

I do know my pastime of throwing colourful intercourse toys onto the courtroom at WNBA video games is edgy and funky. The president’s son, Donald Trump Jr., shared a meme that confirmed the president himself standing on the White House roof tossing a green sex toy onto a WNBA court stuffed with gamers under. How can anybody name it “not funny” or “dangerous” or “sexist” if the president’s son thinks it’s hilarious and is normalizing sex-toy tossing at girls’s sporting occasions?

Maybe Donald Trump Jr. would wish to hang around with me and speak about meme cash.

I’m so lonely.

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Why ought to I, a crypto bro, be held accountable for something?

I learn how Minnesota Lynx coach Cheryl Reeve said of the penis-shaped issues folks like me hold throwing onto the courtroom: “The sexualization of women is what’s used to hold women down, and this is no different. These people that are doing this should be held accountable. We’re not the butt of the joke, they’re the problem.”

Coach Reeve is clearly contributing to the male loneliness epidemic by claiming that I, a crypto bro who throws intercourse toys on the courtroom at WNBA video games, am “the problem” and needs to be “held accountable” for the factor I hold doing.

Since when do males who spend money on cryptocurrency and create hilarious meme cash get held accountable for his or her actions? That appears sexist, and I blame that perspective for my current state of loneliness, dissatisfaction and deep insecurity.

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Nobody will date me, regardless that I throw intercourse toys at WNBA video games

To date, I’ve requested 69 girls (high-five, fellow crypto bros!) who I had beforehand made sexualized feedback about on-line beneath an nameless account in the event that they want to go on a date with me to throw intercourse toys at a WNBA recreation and study extra about my meme coin. Not a single one has been fascinated about attending to understand how fascinating and intelligent I’m. What am I alleged to do, replicate on whether or not I’m the issue, and contemplate treating different folks with respect and exhibiting an curiosity of their emotions and factors of view?

C’mon. I’m a crypto dude who throws intercourse toys at WNBA video games. I don’t have time for that sort of nonsense.

No, my loneliness is certainly the fault of girls who’re mad I hold throwing intercourse toys throughout a girls’s sporting occasion that I publicly declare to respect whereas anonymously demeaning it on-line.

At least I’ve Green Dildo Coin. I’m certain finally everybody will see how superior I’m.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk