Accomplice’s Unhealthy Life-style Wants an Adjustment – Expensive Abby

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had two sons, “Seth” and “Jason,” who had been greatest buddies. Seth handed away a yr and a half in the past, which has been actually laborious on us all, however particularly on Jason. He’s now 17 and in highschool. He’s doing OK, however he’s nonetheless type of listless and retains to himself rather a lot.

My sister’s son, “Matt,” was the identical age as Seth. She urged he come stick with us on faculty breaks as firm and a task mannequin for Jason. She dotes on Matt and implies it is a sacrifice for her to surrender time with him for us. Her impulse appears candy, however frankly, I do not need Matt round Jason. He smokes pot, sleeps many of the day and performs video video games the remainder of the time. He isn’t doing properly in class and has no ambition. He additionally drives whereas he is excessive, which I spotted once I was visiting them final yr.

I instructed my sister that it was an excessive amount of to have one other child in the home, however she saved pushing. Now she desires Jason to return stick with them, which I believe can be worse. How do I keep far with out telling her instantly that I believe her child has some work to do on himself earlier than I need him to be a task mannequin for mine? — BAD PLAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BAD PLAN: It isn’t essential to level out to your sister that her son is an underachieving mess. Under no circumstances ought to your son be uncovered to Cousin Matt with out supervision, as a result of that younger man is properly on his approach down the highway to nowhere. Tell your sister you already know she means properly, and when you admire the spirit by which she has made the provide, nobody, together with Matt, can substitute for the loss Jason feels for his brother.