Dancer and photographer Cassandra Trenary on being open to exploration – The Inventive Independent

You’ve been an expert dancer for 14 years, and in 2018 you began sharing your pictures, at first on a photo-focused Instagram @PearlTakesPics. Are there issues that you just get from pictures that you just don’t get from dance, and vice versa? What’s distinctive to your expertise of every observe?

In dance I’m typically the topic. I’m type of a device for different folks’s concepts, or a physique for a choreographer. There’s additionally simply this intense pursuit of perfection that exists in classical ballet that may be very humbling. It’s rewarding in its pursuit, and in addition extremely irritating and discouraging at occasions. In ballet I’m continually involved about if I’m doing it proper, or how I’m being perceived, or I’m not feeling fairly proper in my physique. There’s lots of insecurity hooked up. And perhaps I’m simply talking from the attitude of how I really feel at the moment on this Tuesday afternoon, as a result of different occasions I can really feel so free and assured and clear in what I’m doing on stage. That comes with a very fantastic group of administrators and coaches, and choreography that enables you the right storm of issues to come back collectively to supply an area to really feel a way of freedom.

What I’ve appreciated about pictures a lot is it’s allowed me to take the main focus of off myself, actually and psychologically. I like with the ability to attempt to freeze a second of intimacy, or pleasure, or disgrace, or simply something that I’m lucky sufficient to be near, notably in my area [as a dancer]. I’ve been invited in by my dancer pals once I’ve traveled overseas and photographed them making ready for performances. And it simply takes me out of myself.

How would you describe the mindset you’re approaching your pictures with?

There is that this inherent self-discipline that exists inside me, this drive that once I’m enthusiastic about one thing, I turn out to be somewhat obsessive about it. And so I’m very now on this second of my life to simply have a every day observe of [taking photos] and being open to studying about it. I nonetheless inform folks on a regular basis, “I don’t know the terminology, I don’t know the vocabulary.” I study one thing on daily basis. Every time I come throughout a photographer they’re like, “Oh, did you know that this lens does this?” And I’m like, “No, I didn’t. I barely know what my own lens does.” I’m comfy in being a newbie [in photography], however as a dancer, I believe it’s jogged my memory that generally the perfect work is bred via you approaching your observe as a newbie on daily basis, like ego gone. Some of my favourite photos had been simply me being like, “Well, let’s see. I don’t know.”

And they won’t be technically excellent, however there’s a sense in there that I’ve been informed is resonating. It’s jogged my memory that in my observe as a dancer, or as a choreographer, or carrying another type of hat I would placed on, that when you possibly can enable your ego to go away somewhat bit, and also you fairly actually simply method it like, “Let’s see, it doesn’t have to be good. Let’s just try something”—that generally that’s how essentially the most significant and genuine work, work that really feels beneficiant, can come via.

That sense of “ego gone” actually struck me once I noticed your gallery present, EMBODIED. In ballet there may be a lot apparent magnificence: all the gorgeous shapes dancers could make with their our bodies, the gorgeous costumes, the gorgeous make-up. I really feel like your eye on dance is so completely different, and a lot extra attention-grabbing and stunning and past the floor, than the attention on dance that so many dance photographers have who don’t have your expertise of really being a dancer.

Thank you. I recognize that.

[When I photograph dancers I’m aware] that there’s an enchantment round costumes, and the make-up, and that’s all actually superb. But I believe as a result of I stay in it, I’m not as enchanted by these issues.

There’s somebody I consulted with [as I was starting to put together my show at PRIV.Y GALLERY]. She stated, “What I’m really interested in are certain images where you can tell that there’s just such an intimacy between you and these people, where there’s almost a gnarliness to them. They look exhausted. They look like they couldn’t do one more of whatever they’re about to do.”

She inspired me to lean into these moments. Over the subsequent couple of months that I needed to seize photos, I discovered myself actually considering: what’s one thing that in case you took ballet out of it utterly is relatable? What is it about being totally depleted as a human being? What is it that, if I didn’t know something about ballet, would truly transfer me, or make me really feel seen? Because these are my favourite artworks, items that make me really feel actually seen.

On that theme of feeling seen: I wish to ask you about enjoying with custom, as a result of you may have roles in your rep like Giselle which have been carried out for 170 years. Within that storied custom, how do you discover and categorical your personal voice as an artist?

Over the years it’s been so paramount to have folks round me to share concepts with. Because a ballet may truly be carried out in so many alternative methods. Who are these folks [the characters]? Is their relationship based mostly on a basis of honest connection and love, or is it based mostly on somebody simply wanting to flee? The dialog between the characters on stage is simply as essential, if no more essential, than the execution of the steps. I believe [it’s about] bringing no matter private fact you might need to the story. I pull from private experiences in lots of methods. Like, “When was the last time I felt really fragile? When was the last time I felt embarrassed, or when was the last time I felt completely betrayed?” And I simply assume again to that point: okay, that’s this second within the ballet.

As time passes, I’ve extra experiences to drag from, and it shifts as nicely. These [classic] works are very stylized. And so I believe how I’ve discovered my approach into these tales that may generally really feel a bit difficult and somewhat outdated is simply infusing them with the experiences that I’ve had, however remaining throughout the classical fashion of ballet. I believe that brings a extra pure high quality, in how I work together with my companions and the opposite folks on stage. Hopefully [that approach] touches folks otherwise. My favourite dancers, that’s what they delivered to the work.

So, I’ve simply been making an attempt to proceed that, and it shifts somewhat each time I come again to it. It’s good to revisit these works time and again.

Are there specific roles you dance that you just have a look at now and also you’re like, “Wow, I perform that so differently than when I was first in that role?”

I believe I’m extra comfy in [resisting] what my appearing instructor calls placing a hat on a hat. She stated, “You’re naturally a sincere person. So if the character is sincere, you don’t need to perform sincerity. Just be.” Also, I’m extra comfy in listening to folks round me and responding on stage.

I believe I used to come back right into a [performance] house with all these concepts and would attempt to implement all of them, when in actual fact all of this analysis is simply there. I don’t want to use all of it. You have to go away house to belief that it’s all there, and subsequently you’ve completed the work, and now all you must do is reply to what’s taking place round you, or what your companion is supplying you with, as a result of if my companion is giving me a line so to talk, or an emotion, or a response to the scenario, and I’m not responding to him, what I assumed my good concept was shouldn’t be going to resonate, as a result of it doesn’t make sense within the context of the dialog we’re having with one another. I believe if something, I’ve simply tried to be a bit extra assured in my method, to belief that it’s all the place it must be. And now all I must do is expertise performing it extra, and permit myself house for surprises.

I like that: permitting your self house for surprises. Looking ahead—you’re in the course of this huge, huge skilled transition. In July you gave your final efficiency as a principal with American Ballet Theatre, the corporate you’ve been performing with since 2011. Later this summer season you’re going to maneuver to Austria to hitch Vienna State Ballet. How do you know that this was the second to make a serious change in your profession as an artist?

It was sort of the right storm of getting skilled harm and making an attempt to reckon with the time that I’ve left to pursue ballet, the roles that I want to bounce, the locations I wish to journey, the best way I wish to develop as an artist. And actually, I suppose I simply sort of realized I’m feeling a bit caught. At the identical time, ABT was my dream firm, and New York is my dream metropolis. So, it was sort of this weird feeling, “I have everything that I had dreamt of, I did it. And what is left for me to do?” I believe I discovered myself simply being curious. I’ve at all times been interested in dwelling in Europe…I simply didn’t know what that will seem like.

I didn’t know if it could be a venture that will take me away for a 12 months, or some outdoors artistic endeavor, as a result of I do lots of tasks outdoors of [ABT]. I’ve had the privilege to work with choreographers and to do enjoyable issues outdoors of the classical ballet sphere. And I’ve at all times felt so fulfilled by these tasks so I used to be considering to myself, “I need to feel that way more.” And it’s not that there isn’t inspiration right here, it’s simply that for no matter purpose, one thing in me sitting on my sofa with my rib fracture and painkillers was like, “You need to seriously start thinking about what this next chapter of your career will be.”

How did that subsequent chapter come into clearer focus for you?

I knew Alessandra Ferri was taking on Vienna [State Ballet], and Alessandra is somebody who I’ve admired as a dancer and an individual and an artist for so long as I’ve wished to pursue dance. I approached her with the query, “How can we work together more?”

I stated to her as a mentor, “I’m feeling a bit stuck. I don’t know what to do. I would love more opportunities to perform, to travel more, get really amazing coaching, just really get as true to myself in this art form as possible to be the best I can be.” And she stated, “I think it sounds like you’re ready to explore.” And via extra conversations, it turned clear to me that that is somebody that can assist me hone all the talents I’ve to deliver to this artwork kind. And simply the occasions that we’re in…to stay overseas sounds so good. It’s humorous to think about New York City and an organization like American Ballet Theatre as a small city, however I virtually really feel like a child once more, leaving my small city in Georgia to pursue new issues. And like I stated, I’d been interested in Europe for fairly a while, however simply sort of ready for the fitting factor to come back alongside. There was an openness there. Other alternatives had come my approach, however I felt like I used to be making an attempt to drive it to be the fitting factor. I wished to wish to say sure so desperately. But for no matter purpose, in my intestine, it was like, “No.” And they had been nice alternatives. Nothing that anyone ought to flip down essentially.

But this, for no matter purpose, simply felt like sure. And the aid and the peace that got here with lastly saying sure outweighed the concern of uncertainty solely. There’s nonetheless anxiousness there, after all. There’s the logistics of transferring internationally, and I’m grieving the top of this monumental chapter in my life. But additionally, deciding to do that has given me the braveness to place myself on the market extra as a photographer, and to really feel extra fearless in my artistic pursuits. I assumed to myself, what do I wish to accomplish earlier than I depart New York? And sharing my photographs in some capability was proper up there.

So, it’s cool. It’s cool to study a lot extra about myself and what I’m product of, on this entire course of of creating the choice. It’s the primary time that I’m going right into a scenario the place I don’t understand how lengthy it’s going to final. I don’t even actually know the place I’m dwelling but. I don’t have a checking account there. It’s loopy in lots of methods, however that’s why I’ve to do it. And the time is now. So, it’s thrilling.