I Name My Mother’s Ex-Boyfriend My ‘Second Dad’ 30 Years Later

What do you name somebody who is not your dad, is not your stepdad, however nonetheless chooses to point out up for 30 years? Well, that is been my conundrum with my mother’s ex-boyfriend.

Charles dated my mother for six months after I was 4 years previous, and by no means totally left my life. He and my mother remained pleasant, and over time, he lingered on the periphery. There can be brief visits, small items, and, after he moved from Johannesburg (the place we lived), to Australia, the occasional cellphone name to remain in contact.

My mother has all the time had combined emotions about our bond, however solely as a result of we make her really feel like she’s dwelling in an upside-down household sitcom. When I used to be a youngster and we might combat, I’d seize the cellphone, name Charles, and dramatically yell, “Talk to my mother! She’s being unreasonable!” It would drive her up the wall. These days, Charles and I routinely scandalize her on our group calls with our vibrant banter.

She additionally appreciates our bond and the surprising methods Charles has proven up for me. He purchased me driving college classes, stunned us each by paying off the rest of my scholar debt, and, after I began making grownup cash, he turned one in every of my most frequent journey buddies.

On our journeys collectively, strangers usually assume he’s my dad as a result of our relationship has all the trimmings of a standard father-daughter relationship — besides it isn’t. It’s moments like these that remind me how uncommon our bond is.

Courtesy of Lauren Melnick

I name him my ‘second dad’

So, how can we clarify our distinctive bond?

As a joke, I’m usually launched as Charles’s “love child.” It’s faster than explaining the entire state of affairs and avoids the standard confused questions. “Is he your stepdad?” He is not. “Is your dad gay?” Nope. “Was your dad absent?” He wasn’t. “Then why did he stay?” That’s the one query neither of us can totally reply.

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Charles says he immediately felt a bond after I demanded to sit down on his lap as a toddler. All I do know is that he has been the one man my mom has introduced dwelling (in addition to my father) that I’ve preferred and accepted. While there was no preliminary plan to remain in my life, life (as we all know all too nicely) had different plans.

That’s why I’ve settled on the title of “second dad.” What else would you name somebody who has all the time supplied unconditional assist, steerage, and love? DNA could not bind us, however he’s the definition of a father.

Courtesy of Lauren Melnick

Our bond expanded my definition of household

I’ve by no means met anybody else with a dynamic fairly like ours. Sure, folks kind bonds with stepdads, however your mother’s ex-boyfriend?! It’s uncommon, weird, and I would not change a single factor about it.

Charles made me notice household is greater than the individuals who share your final title — it is the one you construct. He taught me true dedication does not come within the type of labels. It’s an intentional motion, a alternative you make day by day to maintain exhibiting up in somebody’s life.

Plenty of us have difficult household bushes, however I’ve discovered via our relationship that it is the individuals who unabashedly select you that make you are feeling essentially the most at dwelling. Whether it is your blood or your discovered household, everybody deserves no less than one one who stays just because they wish to.