Miss Manners: Bridezilla can’t bully you into attending a marriage you may’t afford to journey to

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cousin, with whom my husband and I are very shut, is getting married. Unfortunately, there are a number of issues.

The preliminary points included our restricted funds, transportation troubles, the date of the occasion (a Thursday evening) and the marriage’s no-children-allowed rule. With the assistance of my dad and mom, most of these points had been solved. However, attributable to numerous issues associated to my husband’s job, we’ve determined it’s greatest he not attend.

I’m extraordinarily involved concerning the fallout from that call. My cousin, often an easygoing individual, is already livid with a number of visitors who’ve declined her invitation. Her rationale is that as a result of she’s borrowed over $20,000 to pay for her wedding ceremony, her extra financially lucky visitors ought to assist these struggling within the areas of presents, transportation, lodge prices, childcare, elder care, and many others. If the occasion will influence work tasks, visitors should guarantee satisfactory trip time is put aside.

Most of my relations — together with my 83-year-old aunt sick, and my cousin with epilepsy and extreme anxiousness — are attending. My mom has warned me that I’ll have to organize a robust argument for why my husband can’t attend to make sure my relationship with my cousin survives.

Are there any etiquette guidelines that may assist my case? Specifically, is there any legitimate excuse, moreover extreme sickness, for not attending an in depth member of the family’s wedding ceremony?

GENTLE READER: There is nothing like saying, “I put myself in debt to throw this extravagant party, so you better show up — health and financial instability be damned!” to get you within the spirit for a household wedding ceremony.

Miss Manners will remind you that you do not want an excuse, and also you should not have to provide in to coercion. You simply must repeat the phrase, “I am afraid Curtis won’t be able to attend, but he sends his love” as many occasions as attainable till your cousin will get uninterested in asking.

Perhaps it’ll trigger a rift. But judging from the listing of different relations who’re being subjected to tyranny, your husband shall be in good firm.

Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.