I traveled to Portugal after my worst yr ever—and located a model of myself I believed I’d misplaced

There are years that depart you bruised, after which there are years that strip you right down to your bones. The yr earlier than I boarded a airplane to Portugal was the second form.

I received’t spill each messy element, however let’s simply say it was a collision of private heartbreak, skilled uncertainty, and a creeping sense that I’d misplaced the stronger, lighter model of myself I used to know. The model that when greeted challenges with curiosity as an alternative of dread.

By December, I used to be working on fumes. That’s after I did one thing fully uncharacteristic: I booked a one-way ticket to Lisbon.

I didn’t go looking for an escape a lot as a reset. And what I discovered on cobbled streets, windswept coastlines, and in quiet moments of reflection was one thing deeper.

I discovered items of myself I believed have been gone for good.

Here’s what the journey taught me.

Hitting all-time low generally is a starting

J.K. Rowling as soon as stated, “Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

That line echoed in my head as I sat on the airplane, staring out the window someplace over the Atlantic.

For so lengthy, I’d been petrified of my very own collapse—as if admitting issues had fallen aside meant I used to be completely damaged.

But strolling by way of the Alfama district, listening to the melancholic fado singers spill their sorrows into the evening air, I spotted that collapse additionally clears the bottom.

In Portugal, I gave myself permission to see all-time low as a basis, not a failure.

Every unsuitable flip in Lisbon’s winding alleys jogged my memory that even once you’re misplaced, you’ll be able to come across one thing unexpectedly lovely.

Change isn’t non-compulsory—it’s survival

There’s a quote from Viktor Frankl that caught with me throughout my travels: “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

That felt painfully related. I couldn’t undo the heartbreak or rewind the skilled setbacks of my previous yr. But what I might do was shift my perspective.

Each morning, I walked to a small café close to my rented condo and practiced one thing I’d deserted again house: stillness. No multitasking. No speeding. Just sipping robust Portuguese espresso and listening to the hum of strangers’ conversations.

At first, I used to be stressed. Then I seen how this small change started softening the perimeters of my nervousness.

Frankl was proper—when life forces your hand, progress isn’t a luxurious. It’s the one approach ahead.

Beauty can develop out of struggling

Kahlil Gibran as soon as wrote, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

I didn’t absolutely perceive that till I wandered by way of Sintra’s misty hills, my legs aching from the climb. Each step felt like a metaphor for the yr I had endured—sluggish, heavy, however carrying me someplace greater.

Looking out from the stone partitions of the Castelo dos Mouros, I considered how my scars weren’t simply reminders of ache. They have been proof of survival.

They have been the maps of the place I had been. And possibly, like Gibran urged, they have been additionally the beginnings of my power.

It’s unusual, isn’t it? The very experiences that break us can find yourself carving out house for one thing sturdier, extra enduring, extra actual.

Slowing down helps you hear your self once more

When was the final time you actually listened to your self? Not the critic in your head or the to-do record voice, however the quieter one beneath?

In Portugal, I lastly did. I spent hours by the ocean in Cascais, simply letting the waves crash with out distraction. I seen how the rhythm of the ocean matched one thing in me—one thing I hadn’t paid consideration to in years.

At house, I used to be at all times speeding: work deadlines, social obligations, the fixed hum of busyness.

But by stepping away, I remembered that my interior voice doesn’t shout. It whispers. And you’ll be able to solely hear it should you decelerate sufficient to pay attention.

Discomfort is commonly a doorway

I’ll be trustworthy—touring alone scared me. I fumbled with the language, received misplaced on winding trams, and ate dinners on my own whereas {couples} stuffed the tables round me.

But right here’s the factor: each time I leaned into that discomfort, one thing shifted. A sort stranger helped me navigate the metro. A quiet meal alone changed into an opportunity to mirror with out interruption.

Discomfort wasn’t punishment—it was a doorway. And strolling by way of it confirmed me that concern and progress usually stay aspect by aspect.

New locations remind you that you simply’re not caught

One of the toughest components of my “worst year” was feeling trapped—like my life had narrowed right into a hall with no doorways.

But standing in Porto, watching the solar sink over the Douro River, I spotted how unfaithful that was.

Life is larger than the field we put ourselves in. Travel shakes up our perspective, reminds us the world is huge, and that our issues aren’t the entire image.

It doesn’t erase the struggles, but it surely helps you see them in proportion. And typically, that shift in scale is sufficient to breathe once more.

Wholeness comes from acceptance, not perfection

One night in Lisbon, I used to be journaling about every part I needed to “fix” in myself.

The failures. The regrets. The messy feelings I had been making an attempt to push away.

That’s when a passage from a ebook I’d not too long ago learn got here again to me. In Laughing in the Face of Chaos, Rudá Iandê writes, “When we let go of the need to be perfect, we free ourselves to live fully—embracing the mess, complexity, and richness of a life that’s delightfully real.”

His perception landed in another way as I regarded out on the tiled rooftops. I didn’t should be polished or put-together to deserve pleasure. I simply wanted to cease combating myself and settle for the wholeness that was already there.

This ebook has been a robust reminder that progress isn’t about changing into flawless—it’s about dropping the masks we’ve worn for too lengthy.

And actually, it impressed me to see my time in Portugal much less as a quest for reinvention and extra as an opportunity to recollect who I already was.

Connection heals in shocking methods

I didn’t anticipate connection to be such an enormous a part of my journey. I believed it will be a solitary reset. But conversations with strangers—an older girl who confirmed me the perfect pastel de nata bakery, a fellow traveler who swapped tales on an extended practice trip—have been therapeutic in methods I didn’t see coming.

These temporary connections jogged my memory that even once you really feel untethered, you’re by no means actually alone.

Sometimes it’s the small kindness of strangers that helps you reorient to your self.

Your power reveals up once you least anticipate it

I believed I used to be fragile heading into this journey. But I stunned myself. I navigated crowded markets, drove winding roads on the Algarve coast, and even hiked trails I’d have prevented again house.

Each time I did one thing I believed I couldn’t, I felt a chunk of myself return.

The reality is, resilience doesn’t at all times announce itself. Sometimes it sneaks up on you in small victories—the sort you solely discover once you’re pushed outdoors your common boundaries.

Portugal jogged my memory that I used to be stronger than the story I had been telling myself.

The model of you that’s misplaced isn’t gone

By the time I flew again, I spotted one thing necessary: I hadn’t found a “new” me in Portugal. I had reconnected with the model of myself that had at all times been there—buried below exhaustion, concern, and self-doubt.

The late-night music in Lisbon, the quiet cliffs of the Algarve, the style of robust espresso on sluggish mornings—they didn’t create a brand new identification. They peeled again the layers that had been hiding the actual me.

And isn’t that the purpose of beginning over? To notice that what you thought was misplaced was by no means gone—it was simply ready so that you can discover it once more.

Final ideas

Looking again, Portugal didn’t hand me a brand-new life. What it gave me was perspective.

It jogged my memory that damaged chapters don’t erase who we’re—they invite us to fulfill ourselves in a deeper approach.

The hardest seasons in life could make us consider we’re completely diminished.

But the reality is, the components of us that really feel misplaced are sometimes simply ready for stillness, braveness, or a change of surroundings to resurface.

If this previous yr taught me something, it’s that therapeutic isn’t about outrunning ache or reinventing your self into somebody unrecognizable.

It’s about peeling away the noise, leaning into discomfort, and permitting what’s actual in you to rise once more.

So when you end up standing at your individual crossroads, take into account this: possibly the “you” you’re looking for was by no means gone in any respect.

Maybe she’s simply ready so that you can discover her once more.