5 Methods You Can Enjoy a Solo Valentine’s Day This Yr

When I used to be single all through my 20s, I used to dread spending Valentine’s Day alone. Of course, as a lover of affection itself, I’d nonetheless discover methods to have fun with my woman buddies and even on my own. Still, I couldn’t assist however really feel a way of isolation and longing, watching comfortable {couples} specific their love for and dedication to one another.

But then I’d mirror on previous relationships, realizing I’d really felt way more fulfilled and at peace on my own than I did with a few of my earlier companions, certainly one of whom didn’t even trouble getting me a card as a result of “Valentine’s Day is just a commercial holiday.”

Needless to say, the vacation doesn’t must set off grief or loneliness. In reality, it will possibly function a reminder that you just’re unwilling to simply accept mediocre love.

If you want some further help this Valentine’s Day, we obtained you lined: Tam Kaur, self-love skilled and creator of cult-favorite self-love information Buy Yourself The Damn Flowers, shared 5 suggestions for having fun with Valentine’s Day as a single girl. 

1. Trust Your Timing

We all have completely different timelines and storylines. While your greatest buddy might need met the love of her life in highschool, you would possibly meet your soulmate in your mid-30s. 

Take it from me: I believed for certain I’d marry my school sweetheart, but I discovered myself grieving our six-year relationship in my mid-20s. I spent the next 5 years studying how one can discover consolation in my solitude whereas additionally braving the courting scene. 

“Just because other people are in relationships doesn’t mean you’re behind in life,” says Kaur. “Everyone has their own lessons, their own timeline. Relationships don’t automatically mean happiness, and many early relationships are simply experiences we need to grow.”

We by no means know what’s going to occur in life, or when it’s going to occur. While you would possibly view marriage because the end-all, be-all, sadly, nothing is ever assured. Don’t take your single period as a right. It will solely strengthen your resilience and sharpen your appreciation for real love and companionship. 

“If you’ve been single for a long time, there’s a reason for that,” Kaur says. “It might be protecting you or allowing you to build a stronger sense of self.”

2. Learn to Enjoy Your Own Company

When I used to be pressured to be alone—residing alone, being single for years, and dealing from house as a contract author with no constant colleagues—I realized loads about myself. But reasonably than preventing my loneliness throughout my solitude, I dove deep into it, exploring the fears and insecurities that after stored me small in relationships. In doing so, I additionally found my passions, hobbies, and goals in life, all of which had been—lastly—not influenced by others.

“If you hate being alone, it’s usually because you haven’t built a relationship with yourself yet,” Kaur factors out. “I encourage you to get curious about who they are. What is your actual personality? What are your values, triggers, and desires? The goal is to become your own best friend and truly in-tune with yourself.”

3. Date Yourself With Intention

Like with most priorities in life, intention is the whole lot. If you’re committing to courting your self, ensure you intend to deepen your relationship with your self, to not entice a brand new companion.

“Solo dating is transformative, but if you’re spending your solo dates hoping to meet someone, you’re missing the point,” says Kaur. “Instead, set intentions for your solo dates. That could be a chance for reflection, inspiration, rest, joy, or emotional processing. When you go out with a purpose, you stop scanning the room for attention and start being present with yourself.”

4. Decenter Romantic Attention

As people—however particularly as girls—we have now been wired to heart romantic consideration and companionship. While it’s utterly pure to crave love, it shouldn’t be your solely focus—nor ought to it change all the opposite vital belongings in your life. Don’t lose your self in your pursuit of discovering another person.

“Trying to be chosen gives away your power. When your decisions, appearance, and behavior revolve around being desirable to someone else, you’re slowly abandoning yourself,” says Kaur. “Instead, you want to be unapologetically self-centered during singlehood and make choices based on what you want for both your future emotional well-being. When you choose yourself first, confidence and self-respect naturally follow.”

5. Value Your Singlehood

Some of my favourite recollections are from my single period, after I spent nights out with my buddies, weekends in with my household, and days on the cafe writing novels, unbothered by the absence of a major different. That’s to not say I didn’t wish to discover love sometime—and I did, in truth, discover it. But that interval of my life helped floor me in who I really am right now, permitting me to construct extra genuine, lasting connections. 

As Kaur factors out: “One day, you might meet someone, and your entire life will change. You’ll share decisions, space, time, and energy, and you may never experience this level of independence again. This realization should change everything.”