Susan L. Serbin’s Talkin’ ‘Bout My Technology

Has the wretched winter climate ended? I’m not betting on it. And I gained’t finish my coverage to remain in each time I see one thing I don’t like exterior, on the bottom or within the air.

Given all the house time, I’ve been productive, or at the least actively busy. That included knitting a cute child sweater for a cousin’s new grandson; a variety of paper shuffling and shredding, however that’s one other story.

Reading, resulting in naps. Small quantities of chair yoga, supplemented with strolling across the hallways; and, sadly, too many snacks.

These actions aren’t vital enjoyable. Plus, most had been continuously interrupted by telephone calls that had been spam, rip-off, gross sales or just annoying.

Being a dino, I nonetheless have a landline and a cell, so twice the annoyance.

The name course of is so predictable there’s no use in doing something however hanging up. That’s too straightforward. I made a decision it was a chance to get my revenge, be artistic and have a bit of enjoyable.

Let me first say, I don’t suppose there may be something “wrong” with my habits. I don’t swear, or inform callers they need to get a greater job.

Frankly, this looks like a awful job, however I assume there may be some form of pay.

I devised a wide range of responses within the occasion I answered. “Hello” is so passe.

I searched greetings in world languages, discovering many acquainted and  pronounceable, although I’m not remotely multi-lingual. My opinion, it is a infamous deficiency of most Americans.

However, I began easy with French, Italian, Spanish, German and Hej (I’ve been to IKEA). My favourite is Japanese, Konnichiwa.

It would serve me proper if callers answered in stated language.

Secret about me: typically I fall into an accent.

Too a lot Masterpiece and classic French films. I’ll positively improve a “bon jour,” or go full-out Downton Abbey at times.

I’m hardly getting began on my “fun with faux phone calls.”

Keep in thoughts, because of caller ID, and the ever-popular “potential spam” discover, these pranks will not be aimed toward my household, buddies, identifiable enterprise calls, or, heaven forbid, a physician’s workplace.

You can all the time jot down the quantity if it appears necessary.

Some actually weird calls deserve one of the best smarty-pants retort. I as soon as answered the telephone, listening to, “Hi, grandma.” I replied, “News me to me, and why don’t you get a legitimate job?” Click.

Recently I bought a name with a reputation and quantity. A male voice recognized himself, and stated he was with Homeland Security. Fascinating, however not plausible.

Without verifying my title, I requested, “What’s this about?” His reply: “An investigation.”

I stated, “Not buying this.” Click.

The newest was a house enchancment pitch.

Caller: “Are you the homeowner?” Me: “Send me $300,000 and I can be.” Click.

I admit, this piece has been principally enjoyable and foolish. But there’s a essential message, particularly for seniors.In addition to being annoying, many calls are probably dangerous. They ask for data on something monetary, private, and personal, like Medicare, different well being care, or Social Security.

Some scams stress urgency, or may even be threatening.

Sound recommendation by acceptable companies and organizations is dangle up. You’re not impolite, simply safer. Anything authentic will reveal itself finally.

Suspicious calls sparked an irresistible urge for my latest response: “I can’t talk. I’m on the phone with the police chief.” Or district legal professional, hearth marshal, movie star. Substitute something you want.

In my former job as a reporter, that wasn’t in any respect uncommon.

Am I taking part in honest? Nothing unlawful, simply payback.

Anyway, I’ll quickly get tired of the nonsense and discover different amusement.

But for now, Bonsoir! I’m hanging up.

Susan L. Serbin started work life as an educator, adopted by 30-plus years as a correspondent with the Daily Times, and is beginning her fourth fulfilling 12 months as a columnist.