A reader requested The Ethicist: “I’m a…

A reader requested The Ethicist: “I’m a woman in my early 50s and financially secure. I have worked hard for this. Long hours, limited ‘fun,’ prioritizing savings — I am on my own for everything. I am close with a cousin who is a decade older than me and can’t manage his money. He gambled away a six-figure inheritance, despite my (repeated) pleas years earlier to his parents and to him to protect his money from his own bad judgment by creating a trust. After he lost his job, I negotiated a settlement for him and made him pay his back taxes out of the funds he received (in addition to paying an accountant to file three years of returns). He blew through the rest of the money. (In fairness, he is no longer gambling — just paying bills.) He has exhausted his unemployment, hasn’t paid his rent and is ignoring the information I send on programs that could help him afford rent and health insurance (which he doesn’t have). My family has rental housing some distance from his home — which at least he wouldn’t get kicked out of — but he has rejected the idea of moving there. I have clients who have offered him jobs in his field and he has declined. I am out of ways to help him help himself. Could I pay his rent for the next year? Yes. Would it impact how I would like to live in my retirement? Yes. Supporting him long-term means I’ll have to work longer and take less-swanky vacations. I’ve eaten PB&Js for 35 years in an effort to have a retirement where I can do what I want. Is it ethical for me to do that while my relative, whom I love but can’t fix, is facing a homeless shelter?”