Do you tire of the each day battle towards gravity? Are you able to finally forsake all earthly issues, and commit your self without end to the shadows dancing on the wall of your electrical cave? Then permit me to current the Electric Gaming Bed 2, a brand new pinnacle of dire hedonism unveiled earlier this week by Japanese gaming furnishings firm Bauhutte.
“Do you want to make ‘gaming while lying down’ a full-fledged part of your daily life?” Bauhutte says within the machine-translated product web page. “The ‘Gaming Bed’ is a forbidden layout designed specifically for the unapologetically indulgent gamer.”
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New to the Electric Gaming Bed 2, however, is the ability to split the bed into three sections for ease of transport and delivery, ensuring that homes of all sizes are at risk of serving as host for your supine indulgence station. There’s also a newly-added retention bar to keep your mattress from slumping to the floor while your gamer bed undulates. Can you imagine? If your mattress slid off your Electric Gaming Bed? I didn’t buy this thing to be embarrassed!
Jokes aside, a bed with elevating sections has clear utility for people with mobility issues. But the company doesn’t seem particularly interested in that use case. Instead, Bauhutte’s marketing strategy, targeted at “people living a supremely decadent life,” seems focused firmly on a specific clientele—by which I mean goblins.
Just look at its depiction of the ideal gamer bed setup, which incorporates other fine Bauhutte products in a fortress of wire racks and extendable cupholders. Here is a man entombed in powder-coated luxury: To his left, his sustenance—a uniform supply of energy drinks and cup noodles, guaranteeing that no unfamiliar flavor could distract from the four competing screens vying for his attention before the taurine haze subsides and he’s lowered by piston for a brief pause in his prolonged electronic narcosis. To his right, a raiment for when he wakes—a single t-shirt, unadorned.
It’s unclear whether the Electric Gaming Bed 2 will ever be available for international customers, but if you’re in Japan, you can buy one for just ¥70,400, or roughly $450. That doesn’t include a Bauhutte Gaming Mattress, nevertheless—that is one other $200, give or take. But can you actually put a price ticket on a lifetime of supreme decadence?