My post-partum spouse is dishonest on me

DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I welcomed our third little one into the world six months in the past. Since then, my spouse has been recognized with postpartum despair and has cheated on me a number of occasions. She has now moved out. She is relationship a lady and desires a divorce. 

Despite all of this, I’ve forgiven her, and I nonetheless love her. Her habits is negatively affecting our different kids, however she refuses to acknowledge its impression and received’t hearken to me or discuss to me about it. She refuses to go to counseling and acts like every thing is my fault. How ought to I deal with this? — DISTRAUGHT HUSBAND IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HUSBAND: If you had no trace that your spouse was bisexual earlier than this, it will need to have been a shock. As I see it, there are two methods to deal with this. The first can be to speak with a licensed psychological well being skilled and ask if that particular person can provide you some perception into whether or not postpartum has triggered your spouse’s habits. None of that is your fault, and it will not be your spouse’s fault both. 

The second means is to begin interviewing attorneys who focus on household legislation. While you may’t drive your spouse to remain married to you, you can also make positive your kids spend as a lot time with their father as doable.

DEAR ABBY: I’m in my late 30s. I stay midway throughout the nation from my dad and mom and don’t have the most effective relationship with them. I even have a brother 4 years youthful from whom I’ve been estranged for 20 years. He lives in the identical metropolis as my dad and mom. 

My downside is, if I go to, my dad and mom (particularly my mother) will inform my brother and invite him over. I don’t like my brother and don’t wish to see him. I cannot reconcile with him as a result of he did some horrible issues to me 20 years in the past for which I can by no means forgive him. 

With my dad and mom, issues don’t get by means of to them until I take drastic measures. How can I convey my need to not see him? My plan can be to inform them they have to agree to not invite him to their home whereas I’m there — and if they will’t respect my needs, I merely received’t see them. 

I’m not frightened about being with out lodging as a result of I’ve pals I can stick with there. In reality, I’ve made a number of journeys to that metropolis with out visiting my dad and mom. What is your perspective on how I can “lay down the law” and implement it? — INDEPENDENT IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR INDEPENDENT: Have an sincere dialog together with your dad and mom. Explain what occurred between you and your brother. Emphasize that you don’t want to see him once more — ever. Tell them you wish to go to them, however you don’t want your brother to be told or invited over while you’re there. If they can not agree, clarify (with out hostility) that you’ll skip the go to. This shouldn’t be “laying down the law”; it’s making a boundary.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.