My alcoholic ex-boyfriend is stalking me

DEAR ABBY: A former boyfriend, “Ray,” is an alcoholic. He has been by means of rehab twice, nevertheless it didn’t do any good. He gained’t cease. He retains saying we’ll work it out. 

I don’t perceive why Ray can’t get it by means of his head that I not need to be with him. I gave him two probabilities. Nobody else desires to assist him both, together with his household. 

Ray might be controlling. He nonetheless contacts me and tells me what I have to do, similar to once we had been collectively. I don’t want that sort of individual in my life. I hope and pray God will ship me the best individual at some point. Any recommendation you possibly can provide? — BREAKING AWAY IN ALABAMA

DEAR BREAKING AWAY: Block Ray’s quantity, and don’t reply to any extra messages from him. If he has a key to your home, change the locks. The subsequent time Ray contacts you (hopefully sober), inform him there may be nothing extra to work out. You not need any contact with him, and if his stalking doesn’t cease, you’ll report him to the authorities and get a restraining order. (Then, if it turns into crucial, do it.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister “Fiora” lives along with her daughter and household a number of states away from me and her different siblings. She is insisting we plan a celebration for her eightieth birthday. Fiora desires it to be a vacation spot social gathering in an costly resort space nowhere close to the place any of us stay. 

None of us is rich, however a few of us have been good cash managers and are snug in retirement. Fiora, alternatively, has spent each final dime and has well being points, so she should stay along with her daughter. We have advised her we really feel if she desires this extravagant social gathering, she ought to speak to her youngsters, to not us. Is this unreasonable of us or of her? — PARTIED OUT IN MISSOURI

DEAR PARTIED OUT: Putting the foundations of etiquette apart, Sister Fiora shouldn’t be demanding that her siblings foot the invoice for a birthday extravaganza she will’t afford. Tell her (as one) that you can be comfortable to separate the invoice for a extra modest celebration or ship her a verify. The alternative is hers, and the quantity is one thing all of the sibs can resolve upon. Her grownup youngsters may also need to chip in as nicely.

DEAR ABBY: Has anybody ever requested ladies on the receiving finish of males’s use of Viagra or different such drugs how they really feel about having to plan or schedule their so-called “lovemaking”? I really feel it might make it simply plain previous intercourse moderately than an emotional, loving act. To me, it might be higher to haven’t any intercourse in any respect than to should plan for it. Also, how satisfying is it actually to ladies? — PHYLLIS IN INDIANA

DEAR PHYLLIS: As I’m certain you realize, there may be extra to creating love than popping a tablet. The act and the need for it ought to be mutual moderately than a efficiency. Making love with somebody an individual cares about and is interested in might be satisfying, however I feel the reply to your query relies upon upon which participant you ask. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.