The jet-skis of suburbia are extra widespread than ever. I can’t consider leaf blowers are allowed to exist

A giant shoutout to the City of Port Phillip or – within the spirit of this story – a quiet little clap. The Melbourne council – maybe impressed by Transport for NSW’s current crackdown – has pushed to ban harmful, noisy jet-skis inside 200 metres of its many widespread seashores, in a transfer that’s piquing the curiosity of different coastal authorities.

Now that these aquatic pests are beneath the pump, I reckon it’s time to show our consideration inland to the best menace to world peace. Or suburban concord on the very least.

The notorious leaf blower.

I can not consider the leaf blower is allowed to exist. There are so many issues flawed with this dunderhead invention, I barely know the place to begin. I’ll take it slowly. Breathe deeply.

I’m stress-free on the sofa within the afternoon, musing over the strains of Desiderata: “Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in … BRUP. BRUP. WHEEEEEE! Our neighbour has started up his leaf blower. Again. It’s the third day running and his driveway is already perfectly clean. Is he using a petrol leaf blower? Electric? The quieter but weaker battery variety? I have no idea but it sounds like 1000 mosquitoes whining their way to the core of my brain. It’s Laurence Olivier drilling into Dustin Hoffman’s two front teeth in Marathon Man (minus the anaesthetic). It’s the wail of a banshee that shatters my nerves long after my neighbour’s pressed the OFF button and gone inside to play with his dust buster. In short, it’s a nightmare.

If some good could come from this cacophony, you might say it’s worth it. But the leaf blower is patently useless. The resting leaves might be scattered across the nature strip forming a nice pastoral scene. They might even be in a neat pile already. The operator – it’s always a bloke dressed liked a sniper – points the protruding bit at his prey, blasting every one up into the air. Now it’s like a snow dome when you shake it hard. Who knows where the bits will land? Dust is blown into the air too. Small dog turds fly about. It’s a flying carnival of shit.

After lengthy blowing, the leaves are finally mustered into the gutter. Maybe even the neighbour’s gutter if someone’s hired a gardener who’s in a hurry. And there, my friend, they’ll stay (until the next gust of wind) because – and this is my experience – you never see the leaf blower operator STICK THE LEAVES IN THE BIN.

You know it’s time to start worrying when you purchase a gadget and the manufacturer includes decibels in the specifications. The Hearing Health Foundation, in its report, What Are Safe Decibels?, lists sounds over 70 dB as damaging to our hearing. Petrol-powered leaf blowers come in at around 110 dB. That’s 30 more than vacuum cleaners and 15 more than a crowing rooster.

Despite its imperfections, the leaf blower is more popular than ever. According to Research and Market’s Leaf Blower Report 2025 – yes, they exist too – “The increasing popularity of landscaping and gardening among home owners has created a need for easy-to-use, powerful equipment to handle fallen leaves, grass clippings, and debris. Furthermore, as cities expand and more residential developments are built, the need for such equipment continues to rise.” (Note to self: for the sake of our surroundings, we should study to be much less home proud.)

Even tenting websites have been contaminated. Today each caravaner and his canine take alongside the leaf blower (sometimes the bread maker too) to blow the bejesus off the roof and slide-out of their caravan, the mat by the door, the picnic desk, the outside rug, the seashore! They even use it to “fan” the campfire. The Camping in The Carolinas Facebook Group received’t hear a phrase in opposition to their LBs. “I blow the dead bugs out of our bug zapper with it,” says one completely happy camper. “I just used mine to blow all the dirt, rocks and dog hair out of the toy hauler,” says one other. Someone else blasts their canine’s face if he’s barking too loudly. One joker provides: “I use it when necessary to dry off my mother-in-law so we don’t have to use three towels.”

The Environmental Protection Authority is surprisingly wishy-washy about this type of noise air pollution. Generally, use of leaf blowers (and different noisy energy instruments) is prohibited earlier than 7am and after 8pm on weekdays and should begin an hour in a while weekends. It advises: “A council officer may still assess residential noise to be unreasonable even if it’s within the allowed times. They do this if the noise has qualities that make it unreasonable – for example, if it has unnecessarily excessive volume”.

Yes! My neighbour’s leaf blower does have extreme quantity. And it’s at all times unreasonable. And I can hear it from inside my home. Oh, thanks EPA for making this exception.

If I can’t change the established order, no less than I can cross on some pearls of knowledge to my son. I’ll sit him down sooner or later and say, son, nothing good ever comes out of one thing that blows arduous and makes a giant noise – besides maybe a saxophone.

And right here’s an thought. If the leaves on the garden ever get you down, go purchase a rake.

Jo Stubbings is a contract author and reviewer.

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