Can a Relationship Survive Without Chemistry? Let’s Be Honest…Love Bites with Lifestyle Coach Francesca Luca

Love Bites is a weekly phase on The South Shore’s Morning News with life-style coach Francesca Luca. You can hear for recommendation each Wednesday morning at 9:10. The Francesca Luca Show airs each Wednesday night between 8 and 9pm.

Some questions I get for Love Bites make me tilt my head and go, “Wait… what?”

Here’s one:

“I’ve been seeing ‘Sarah’ for about a year. We have fun, we get along, we even have an intimate relationship. But here’s the truth—I’m not attracted to her. I thought the spark might eventually show up, but it hasn’t. I care for her deeply, and she’s definitely attracted to me. I don’t want to break up—so please don’t tell me to. Can a relationship really work without chemistry?”

Let’s unpack this.

First issues first…

You’re not interested in her—however you’re nonetheless having intercourse—and she or he thinks you might be interested in her? That’s not simply an ungainly state of affairs, that’s emotional quicksand.

But because you introduced up chemistry, let’s break it down.

The Four Kinds of Chemistry

1. Physical

That can’t-help-myself magnetic pull. You see them, and your mind short-circuits in one of the best ways attainable. Without not less than some of this, intimacy feels extra like an obligation than one thing you stay up for.

2. Emotional

It’s the “I can tell you anything” vibe. You really feel protected, understood, and utterly your self. This is what will get {couples} via the robust seasons when the bodily aspect takes a dip.

3. Intellectual

You can discuss for hours with out becoming bored. You problem one another, you’re interested by one another’s opinions, and also you make one another suppose.

4. Lifestyle & Values

Your visions for all times really align. You need the identical big-picture issues, which implies fewer blow-ups over the “how we live” stuff.

Why Chemistry Matters

A relationship doesn’t want all 4 sorts in full power, however in the event you’re lacking each bodily and emotional chemistry? You’re taking a look at extra of a friendship than a romance.

The healthiest relationships normally have:

• Enough spark to maintain the attraction alive.

• Enough compatibility to maintain the drama low.

  Think “steady campfire” as an alternative of “fireworks that disappear after ten seconds.”

The Chemistry Trap

Sometimes, intense chemistry feels superb—however it’s not all the time a very good signal.

The mind trick: Dopamine, oxytocin, and all these feel-good chemical compounds can cloud your judgment. That adrenaline rush? Not the identical factor as love.

The trauma bond: If chaos or emotional highs and lows are acquainted out of your previous, excessive chemistry can really feel like residence—when actually, it’s your nervous system chasing previous wounds.

The crash-and-burn: Pure ardour with no shared values burns scorching… till life throws stress, payments, or household drama your method. Then it fizzles.

Bottom line

Can a relationship operate with out chemistry? Technically, sure—in the event you’ve obtained sturdy friendship, respect, and shared objectives. But in the event you’re on the lookout for a romantic, passionate connection… you’re going to wish not less than some spark.

And if you already know there’s no spark now, after a 12 months? It’s time to cease pretending it’s going to magically seem.

Listen: 

Missed this a part of the present? Don’t fear, I’ve obtained you.

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