Polyamorous couple married for 20 years reveal secret to profitable marriage

Sometimes, all a relationship wants to remain sturdy is to interrupt the foundations.

A Florida husband and spouse celebrating 20 years of marriage say they didn’t save their relationship by taking part in it protected. Instead, they opened it up.

Robyn and Christopher Alesich of St. Cloud, Florida, say they spent the primary 9 years of their marriage in a conventional monogamous association earlier than rethinking what dedication might appear like. 

A feminine buddy shifting into their residence in the end prompted deeper conversations that led them, in 2011, to open their marriage.

Since then, the couple say they’ve had three long run relationships involving a second lady. But they reject the belief that polyamory revolves solely round intercourse.

“It is more than just sex – and we don’t need a partner, but we want one to share our lives with,” Robyn mentioned in an interview with Jam Press.

Now 47 and 43, the couple say they didn’t even have language for polyamory for almost a decade. Once they embraced it, they are saying they by no means regarded again. 

What mattered most was laying the groundwork early, significantly round communication.

“To navigate any issues, you need to have honest communication,” Robyn mentioned. “As long as you are open and have frequent discussions, you can work through anything together.”

“Having boundaries from the beginning helps tackle jealousy,” she mentioned. “It’s important to establish any potential insecurities and problems before they even arise. Missing this crucial step can lead to problems further along in the relationship.”

The Alesiches, who run the polyamorous courting app Sister Wives, say misconceptions about their way of life are fixed. 

One of the commonest is the idea that polyamory is solely an excuse to sleep round.

“Many people’s perception of polyamory is that the couple is greedy and just wants to have sex with other people,” Robyn mentioned.

“But really, many couples choose polyamory over monogamy for the freedom to love how it feels right to them,” Robyn mentioned. “It’s not an escape hatch or an excuse to sleep with as many people as possible, but a relationship with permission.”

“It’s actually the freedom to form meaningful connections, whether sexual or emotional, that fits their needs and aligns with their values,” she mentioned.

Another frequent criticism facilities on jealousy, which Christopher says exists in all relationships, not simply polyamorous ones.

“Within polyamorous relationships, there should be a mutual understanding and agreement on boundaries and ‘rules’,” he advised Jam Press. 

“The difference is how it is dealt with; when in a healthy polyamorous relationship, communication is a priority and having emotional awareness because of the nature of the relationship is key,” Christopher mentioned. 

“Setting boundaries helps tackle jealousy before it begins, establishing what insecurities there are and not hiding them, while addressing problems as soon as they arise helps reduce chances of jealousy,” Christopher mentioned. 

Christopher additionally described an idea unfamiliar to many outsiders, discovering happiness in a associate’s happiness with another person.

“Comparison is a feeling that many polyamorous people experience, the feeling of joy or gratification when someone you care about finds happiness or fulfilment with someone else, whether sexually or emotionally, almost the opposite of jealousy,” he mentioned.

“For some, this doesn’t happen naturally and can take some inner work to get there.”

The couple is cautious to not body polyamory as a common resolution. They don’t imagine it’s suited to everybody or that it’s a superior different to monogamy, solely that it aligns with their very own values.

While open about their way of life, Robyn says many polyamorous {couples} nonetheless really feel strain to remain quiet.

“Couples may choose not to publicly share details about their relationship for personal or safety reasons, but the idea that polyamory must remain hidden is wrong,” she mentioned.

“If you feel safe and happy to share details about your personal lives, whether with friends, families or strangers, you absolutely should!”