Navigating Friendship, Mastering Gaming, and Cultivating Personal Growth

Dear Eric:

My spouse and I are in our 70s and have relocated to a new community. We participate in church activities and social gatherings that convene for meals occasionally. I volunteer, while he is a passionate golfer. My challenge lies in transforming new acquaintances into significant friendships. I have encountered many wonderful individuals, but I struggle to bond closely with anyone. Any recommendations?

– Feeling Isolated

Dear Isolated:

I understand it may not seem like it, but you’re not by yourself. Numerous adults find it difficult to forge the intimate connections they desire, particularly later in life or in new environments. I consulted my friend and friendship authority Anna Goldfarb, the author of “Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections.”

Here’s her counsel:

“One of the most effective approaches to enhancing a friendship is to offer what researchers term social identity support, which involves acknowledging your friends for all the roles they enact in their lives: their ethnicity, socioeconomic status, gender, and beliefs. This might involve asking to sample their favorite foods from childhood, incorporating them into your cultural rituals, and indicating that you’d like to engage in theirs as well.

Another tactic is to enlist an accountability partner. Pinpoint a meaningful objective you both aspire to achieve – exercising more, mastering knitting, or watching every Matt Damon film sequentially – whatever excites you. Your friendship will flourish as you motivate one another because you’re more invested in each other’s achievements.”

Goldfarb mentioned to me, and I concur, that you’re already making a fantastic effort. Thus, you ought to take a moment to acknowledge your efforts and perseverance. It’s not always straightforward, but you’re on the correct track.

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Dear Eric:

I appreciate your column and want to comment on the letter from “Game Off” regarding her frustrations with her 10-year-old grandnephew consuming video games during family vacations. I concur that family time is essential, and, within her own household, she should establish some agreement with her niece so that she can spend quality time with her grandnephew during visits.

Nonetheless, she seems quite disconnected regarding gaming. Many colleges now host competitive gaming teams supported by computing and graphic design faculty, operating from the athletic department just like other teams – it’s termed “esports” and is rapidly becoming a lucrative industry. Her grandnephew might be paving the way for a successful career in gaming.

– Game Time

Dear Game Time:

You’re correct; it’s all about finding equilibrium. The letter writer can and should express her needs and expectations during family visits. However, she should also remain receptive to parenting approaches that may differ from her own.

Moreover, while moderation is vital in making decisions about gaming, you are absolutely right that it’s an expanding and often profitable area of study and competition. The first esports college scholarship was awarded in 2014, and more than 250 varsity-level esports programs currently exist across the United States and Canada, as reported by the National Association of Collegiate Esports.

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Dear Eric:

I truly enjoy your column – I read it daily. I never miss it because your guidance is direct, accurate, sensible, and compassionate. Thus, I saw myself in the letter from a friend of the woman who is exceptionally kind and helpful to everyone, but also somewhat controlling and challenging with her husband (“Bad Mouthing Do-Gooder”). Not as the friend, but as “the woman”, although fortunately, not excessively so.

Nevertheless, I recognize areas for improvement in my relationship with my husband, though he’s not perfect, as he can be a bit self-absorbed yet possesses many wonderful attributes.

Upon reflecting on that column, I took a deep breath, stepped back, decided to release my control, and then told myself, “I can be a better person.” I made a commitment to myself to pursue this, and now, my mantra is “Be a better person.” I appreciate your column, and I’m glad to be able to adapt when necessary.

– Living and Learning

Dear Living and Learning:

This is a lovely reaction to the sometimes-complex challenge of being human. I commend you for being open and willing to embrace vulnerability and commit to change. I also want to encourage you to not be excessively hard on yourself. It’s commendable to recognize areas for growth, but it’s equally valid to acknowledge times when others need to make adjustments as well. The key is to navigate these discussions with empathy and openness, ensuring no one feels attacked and everyone’s voice is valued.

Thank you for your kind words about the column; I’m delighted it resonates with you.

 

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(Send inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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