Moved Again in With My Mother and father After Traveling; Modified View of Success

For most of my life, my success felt straightforward to measure. I tied my price to numbers like grades and salaries or concrete achievements comparable to fancy job titles or awards.

But after two years of constructing a fast-paced profession in New York City, I reached a breaking level. I felt unfulfilled and disconnected from myself, and I yearned for a special sort of journey.

So, I left my job and booked a one-way flight to London, hoping to rediscover a way of objective by touring via Europe.

My family and friends thought I used to be loopy, however I knew I wanted a change. I believed journey may very well be my new metric for measuring success. Instead of capturing for raises and promotions, I’d see simply what number of nations I might go to and the way far I might get from house.

Although I noticed numerous locations, in the long run, success regarded nothing like I had imagined and lots like probably the most odd place of all: my childhood bed room.

Travel gave me a renewed sense of self

As quickly as I landed in London, I used to be on the transfer. Within three months, I’d already crossed eight nations off my checklist.

From England and Germany to Spain and the Scottish Highlands, I moved via Europe in solitude and realized how vital freedom and journey had been to me.

With each missed practice, international fling, and mistake, I found the depth of my very own power and resilience. I’d by no means felt extra alive, however finally, the tempo wore me down. I did not want one other passport stamp — I wanted stillness.

I used to be operating low on financial savings, sleeping in shared hostels, and attempting to cover my rising nervousness with a smile. Traveling solo meant each resolution and mistake was mine to deal with.

Even on probably the most stunning days, I felt a quiet vacancy. Every time I unpacked, I used to be already making ready to go away once more.

However, once I lastly visited Slovakia, my household’s roots, one thing shifted. There, I met up with kinfolk I hadn’t seen in years and visited the home my grandfather constructed by hand. Despite my damaged Slovak, I felt so understood.

The defining second of my journey, although, got here a number of weeks later once I was at a museum in Poland. It was darkish, a winter storm was brewing, and I’d unintentionally gotten caught inside after misreading the museum’s closing time.

After half-hour of yelling, a safety guard lastly let me out. With a 45-minute stroll to the final bus, and simply 25 minutes to make it earlier than departure, I ran.

I arrived breathless, alone, and scared, however I’d made it — and I’ve by no means felt extra pleased with myself.

No one noticed me. No one congratulated me. But in that second, I noticed I used to be already sufficient. I did not must show something. I simply needed to consider in myself.

Despite my private development, coming house felt like a failure

After six months of touring, I returned to New York and noticed each the town and myself in a different way. Everyone wished to know what I had seen, however I did not know learn how to clarify how my journey had modified me.

I did not come again with a job provide or a sizzling English boyfriend. Instead, I got here house with an invisible treasure chest of tales — and one thing extra vital: self-trust.

Unfortunately, although, self-trust would not pay lease, and provided that I’d stop my job and spent most of my financial savings overseas, I needed to transfer again in with my mother and father whereas I discovered my subsequent transfer.

At first, it felt like failure, and my ego took a success. I’d spent months touring the world, navigating practice stations in new languages and trusting myself with each improper flip — however now, I used to be again in my childhood bed room, surrounded by outdated journals and a model of myself I’d outgrown.

For the primary time in years, I needed to reply to somebody apart from myself. My mother and father had questions: What was I going to do for work? When would I begin desirous about marriage? Had I thought of going to regulation faculty?

They meant nicely, however I did not have any solutions for them. I could not even cry in peace with out somebody knocking on my door to test in.

Plus, I needed to search for a brand new job whereas determining learn how to clarify a six-month hole on my résumé. My passport was filled with stamps and my coronary heart was filled with tales, however none of it regarded like “success.”

Still, in all that discomfort, I noticed one thing I hadn’t understood earlier than.

Success used to imply being the excessive achiever, the woman with a plan. Now, it means one thing easier: Showing up for myself when issues are messy and giving myself grace to maneuver ahead with out a plan.

Yes, I’m nonetheless residing at house, however I do know that is simply a part of my journey. For the primary time, I’m charting a path that is mine, and even with out a good itinerary, it lastly appears like I’m going someplace that issues.