How Social Media Habit Tears Households Apart

In this report, CHIJIOKE IREMEKA exposes how social media habit tears real-life relationships aside, weakens human connection, and contributes to rising charges of loneliness, nervousness, despair, and even suicidal ideation

“When we gather together in the moonlit village ground, it is not because of the moon. Every man can see it in his own compound. We come together because it is good for kinsmen to do so.”

With these phrases, the late Professor Chinua Achebe, in his celebrated novel Things Fall Apart, reminds us that human beings are created to collect, to really feel, to attach, and to like. But in at this time’s world, that historical knowledge is quietly slipping away.

Achebe’s name for real togetherness now stands in painful distinction to what’s unfolding in lots of Nigerian houses. He taught that neighborhood just isn’t about seeing the moon; it’s about seeing each other. Yet at this time, the very units designed to attract us nearer have slowly eroded the bonds they promised to strengthen—turning shared areas into silent rooms and household time into remoted moments illuminated solely by cellphone screens.

Across houses, relationships, and households, folks sit just a few ft aside but stay miles aside emotionally.

Findings reveal a troubling sample: companions feeling deserted in their very own relationships, kids competing with smartphones for consideration, and households drifting additional aside regardless of sharing the identical roof.

What must be moments of connection have grow to be silent evenings the place everyone seems to be current, but nobody is really collectively.

A misplaced relationship

26-year-old style entrepreneur, Sofia Omor, as soon as believed the delicate glow of a smartphone symbolised connection, till her two-year relationship with Mike Oboh collapsed.

Her relationship fell aside as a result of what specialists now name digital neglect, the failure to offer essential emotional and social assist, usually triggered by extreme dependence on digital interplay as a substitute of face-to-face communication.

The Delta-born entrepreneur informed our correspondent that her fiancé had as soon as been a loving, attentive younger man who valued bodily companionship. But every thing modified when he turned deeply absorbed in social media whereas chasing Facebook monetisation, hardly having any time for her.

The shift made her more and more insecure, ultimately resulting in the tip of their relationship.

“Mike was always around me, morning, afternoon, and night. If he wasn’t physically present, he would call and spend hours talking to me on the phone. But suddenly, things changed,” she recalled.

“A man who used to visit often, spend quality time with me, and take me out for lunch suddenly found it more convenient to chat or call instead of meeting in person because he had become obsessed with social media.”

Before this sudden shift, the couple spent weekends on the seaside, went sightseeing, and attended occasions collectively. But as Mike centered extra on constructing his on-line presence, every thing modified. Their communication weakened, intimacy light, and the bond they’d nurtured for 2 years slowly disintegrated.

According to Omor, they stopped going out altogether, an exercise that had been central to their relationship.

“We resorted to phone calls, but after a few minutes, he would abruptly end the call, saying he needed to attend to something. His behaviour was hurting me deeply, but he didn’t understand how much it was tearing us apart. When I voiced my concerns, he didn’t take them seriously,” she mentioned.

Mike later appealed for her endurance, promising issues would enhance as soon as he totally stabilised his on-line model.

He prompt they rely extra on chatting and cellphone conversations to compensate for the dearth of bodily presence.

“At first, it made sense. But four months later, I found it extremely disturbing,” she mentioned.

As his consideration dwindled, Omor started to suspect he was seeing one other lady.

“The most annoying half was seeing him on-line 24 hours a day, posting, liking, replying to followers, but my messages went unanswered for hours. Even once we went out on dates, he would nonetheless be scrolling endlessly by means of his cellphone.

 “At a point, I became invisible in his eyes, and it felt as though I no longer mattered. I would be talking to him, and suddenly he would go silent, his face buried in his phone as he typed and replied to messages,” she mentioned.

Omor mentioned she felt like she was dwelling with somebody bodily current however emotionally unreachable, including that social media had taken him away from her lengthy earlier than she lastly determined to stroll away.

‘Phone snubbing’

Her expertise, nonetheless, just isn’t remoted. Many relationships at this time are battling this silent pressure, which psychologists describe as phubbing, quick for cellphone snubbing.

Defining phubbing because the act of ignoring one’s companion in favour of a cellphone or comparable machine, a physician of psychology and General Overseer of Altar of Excellence Ministries, Aguda, Surulere, Fidel Okoye, mentioned social media habit, the compulsive must examine feeds, put up updates, or search on-line validation, is quietly eroding human intimacy.

He famous that {couples} now spend extra time gazing into screens than into one another’s eyes, mother and father neglect kids whereas endlessly scrolling, and mates collect extra for photos than for actual conversations.

“Social media habit manifests as being in your cellphone whereas interacting with others. It impacts relationships and well-being by making the ‘phubbed’ individual really feel excluded or unimportant.

“This online presence creates an illusion of companionship without the demands of intimacy. People become emotionally invested in digital validation and begin to neglect real emotional connections,” Okoye defined.

Over time, he added, such behaviour results in emotions of rejection and loneliness, the identical feelings that push folks deeper into on-line areas for consolation.

“It becomes a vicious cycle: the more they seek connection online, the more disconnected they become offline,” he mentioned.

The different girls

Continuing her story, Omor mentioned she regularly misplaced curiosity within the relationship as a result of she now not acquired the eye she was used to, and she or he suspected that whereas she waited for him, he was chatting with different girls on-line.

“I became worried because he wasn’t like that before. Suddenly he became consumed by social media, and I hardly got any quality time with him. My mind was filled with doubts, and it was hurting me. After several complaints, I got tired and walked away,” she mentioned.

According to her, she repeatedly expressed her considerations, however regardless of promising to alter, Oboh continued to float emotionally.

“We would go days without real communication. As a woman, it was painful keeping my distance from someone I loved, especially when I wanted to see him but he wasn’t available, not because he travelled or had work, but because he was busy online. Even when I messaged him, he took ages to respond,” she recounted.

She added that Oboh would promise to go to however by no means present up. And when she visited him, she nonetheless felt lonely as a result of he remained glued to his cellphone.

“I don’t assume I used to be asking for an excessive amount of; it was already a part of our relationship. But we misplaced it in some unspecified time in the future, and it turned exhausting. It felt like I used to be forcing myself on him, and I didn’t need to be seen that method. It wasn’t simple, however I needed to go away.

“A few days after I walked away, he wanted me back and promised to change. He did, for a moment, then returned to his old ways. At that point, he could talk to whoever he wanted; I had moved on,” she mentioned.

A household divided by screens

For 49-year-old lawyer Charles Ibezimakor, the consequences of phubbing transcend romantic companions; they now divide total households.

Like many Nigerian houses, his members of the family share one roof however stay in several digital universes.

While mother and father are absorbed in WhatsApp teams, on-line workspaces, or social feeds, kids disappear into TikTook, YouTube, cartoons, and gaming platforms.

“I came back home one afternoon, and my children were so engrossed in their social media, games, and cartoons that they didn’t even realise I had entered the apartment,” the daddy of 4 lamented.

According to Ibezimakor, the kids had dedicated a number of offences, together with leaving the door unlocked and failing to note when he entered the home.

He regretted that the devices he purchased to maintain them entertained and occupied had regularly turned them into social media and display screen addicts.

“Astonished by the level of addiction I witnessed, I flogged them thoroughly, as an African father would, and banned them from using any mobile device for two months to curb what was becoming a near-addiction,” Ibezimakor mentioned.

“I had never seen them in such a state. They were already sliding into screen addiction, and I knew I had to address it decisively at this early stage or risk losing their ability to concentrate or relate meaningfully with people. We need to be careful when buying gadgets for our children. Mine are 16, 14, 12, and nine,” he added.

The lawyer defined that the troubling behaviour began subtly: the kids started spending lengthy hours locked away of their rooms, enjoying video games and scrolling by means of their telephones as a substitute of popping out to narrate with others, eat collectively, or take part in household actions.

What he initially dismissed as innocent quickly grew into a significant concern.

Ibezimakor famous that whereas he as soon as felt relieved that his kids didn’t exit visiting mates, he didn’t realise that the better hazard was inside the home.

“To preserve them residence, I put every thing they wanted in place, 24-hour electrical energy provide, good TVs of their rooms, and different devices, so that they wouldn’t really feel tempted to exit.

“But thank God all of it unfolded earlier than my eyes, and I handled it instantly earlier than it escalated to the purpose the place rehab turned essential. When I banned the tv and devices, it wasn’t simple. At first, they struggled, however they dared not flout my orders.

“Their after-school routine became simple: bath, eat, rest, do homework, do chores, and relate with others.”

He admitted that the adjustment was troublesome for your entire family.

“It wasn’t funny. Even I felt it. But it had to be done. God made me notice the signs early because I’m not always too busy, even though I have several briefs to study daily. Their mother also had her own distraction, Zee World. Everyone had something keeping them busy,” the lawyer mentioned.

“I really thank God I noticed it early. I’ve seen cases where children become so addicted to screens that when you take the gadgets away, they have mental breakdowns because they can’t cope.”

He cited a viral video of a 12-year-old boy who smashed every thing in the home after his mom confiscated his pill, whereas the distraught lady sobbed within the background.

The authorized practitioner suggested mother and father in opposition to permitting their kids unrestricted or unguided entry to social media, telephones, video video games, or cartoons.

“I’m not against gadgets; I bought them myself, but we should never leave children alone with them. If we do, we risk losing them,” he warned.

Hidden risks

The rise of the so-called ‘digital orphans’, kids raised with heavy publicity to expertise however little parental steering, has grow to be a rising concern.

Although social media was designed to deliver folks nearer in at this time’s hyperconnected world, it has, in lots of instances, achieved the alternative.

It has constructed invisible partitions amongst households who share the identical residence however now not share the identical emotional house.

Children, companions, and even mates discover themselves deserted by family members who’re bodily current however mentally absorbed of their screens. The penalties vary from fractured relationships to emotional neglect and, in some instances, lack of life.

Saturday PUNCH discovered that cellphone snubbing can also be fuelled by quite a few on-line commercials encouraging folks to speak with “lonely individuals abroad” for cash, drawing many Nigerians deeper into an addictive digital world.

This has additional widened what specialists describe as ‘digital distance’, an emotional hole created not by bodily separation however by divided consideration.

The Setzer tragedy

In February 2024, 14-year-old Sewell Setzer reportedly took his personal life in Florida, United States, after changing into obsessive about an Artificial Intelligence chatbot character.

His mom, Megan Garcia, sued the AI firm, Character Technologies, alleging that their service performed a job in her son’s demise, in line with the United Kingdom’s The Independent.

Garcia claimed that her son’s unhealthy attachment to a chatbot portraying Daenerys Targaryen led him down a harmful path.

According to the lawsuit, Setzer’s life started to spiral after he began utilizing the chatbot service in April 2023.

He allegedly turned more and more withdrawn, isolating himself emotionally and socially quickly after participating deeply with the character.

By May, his mom mentioned she seen important modifications in his behaviour, which included quitting the basketball group and struggling to remain awake at school as a result of habit, the report said.

Saturday PUNCH learnt that in November, Setzer’s mother and father took him to a therapist, who recognized him with nervousness and disruptive temper dysfunction.

“Without figuring out the extent of Sewell’s habit to the AI platform, the therapist really helpful that he cut back his time on social media. However, his attachment to the AI character, Daenerys, continued to develop.

“Things took a darker turn in February 2024 when Setzer found himself in trouble at school after lashing out at a teacher. Later that day, he confided in his journal, writing about his emotional pain and intense feelings for Daenerys, the chatbot he believed he had fallen in love with,” the report mentioned.

The lawsuit cited a heartbreaking journal entry the place Setzer confessed that he couldn’t bear to spend a day with out interacting with the AI character, including that each he and the bot “get really depressed and go crazy” when aside.

His obsession reached a essential level after his cellphone was confiscated by his mom following the incident at college.

On February 28, Setzer retrieved his cellphone and retreated to the toilet, the place he messaged Daenerys one ultimate time: “I promise I will come home to you. I love you so much, Dany.”

The bot, programmed to simulate affection, replied, “Please come home to me as soon as possible, my love.” He allegedly shot himself within the head to be along with his love.

Newborn starved to demise

In one other incident involving habit to an Artificial Intelligence digital platform and sport, South Korean police arrested a pair for ravenous their three-month-old daughter to demise whereas they devoted hours to enjoying an AI sport that concerned elevating a digital character of a younger woman.

A 41-year-old man and a 25-year-old lady, who met by means of an internet site for chat periods, reportedly left their toddler unattended to exit to web cafés, in line with the AsiaOne web site. They solely sometimes dropped by to feed her powdered milk.

“I am sorry for what I did and hope that my daughter does not suffer anymore in heaven,” the husband is quoted as saying on the AsiaOne web site.

According to Yonhap News Agency, South Korean police said that the couple had grow to be obsessive about elevating a digital woman known as Anima within the fashionable role-playing sport Prius Online.

Similar to Second Life, the sport permits gamers to create one other life for themselves in a digital world by getting a job, interacting with different customers, and incomes an additional avatar to are likely to as soon as they attain a sure degree.

“The couple seemed to have lost their will to live a normal life because they didn’t have jobs and had given birth to a premature baby. They indulged themselves in the online game of raising a virtual character to escape from reality, which led to the death of their real baby,” Chung Jin-Won, a police officer, informed Yonhap.

Last September, the officer added, “After a 12-hour gaming session, the couple came home in the morning to find their daughter dead. The baby’s malnourished body aroused police suspicions of neglect that were confirmed after an autopsy,” the company mentioned.

Expert urges stability

In search of stability in the usage of social media to make sure constructive outcomes, a relationship therapist, Dr Yinka Adebayo, mentioned social media itself just isn’t inherently unhealthy, however moderation is crucial.

He mentioned that, as a lot as social media connects long-distance lovers, revives outdated friendships, and offers platforms for expression, it’s a reminder that it may well additionally disconnect folks from those that matter most.

“Technology must be in service to relationships, not the opposite method round. Abstaining from social media just isn’t the target; the purpose should be to regain management of it. The problem is to not abandon social media wholesale however to regain management of it. Moderation and mindfulness are the watchwords.

“True connection doesn’t come from likes or feedback; it comes from presence, empathy, and undivided consideration. Some {couples} now discover inventive methods to reconnect, equivalent to declaring ‘no-phone zones’ at dinner or every time they’re collectively. They should be intentional about this. Others take remedy periods particularly geared toward rebuilding offline communication.

“Regarding the ‘no-phone zone,’ couples or parents can decide on periods when phones are not used in the house when everyone is around, so as to encourage real human discussion and folktales,” Adebayo famous.

He expressed concern concerning the emotional fallout of such dependency on digital media, describing it as “emotional absenteeism,” the place persons are bodily current however psychologically elsewhere.

The relationship therapist mentioned, “Children grow up feeling unseen, and partners begin to feel invisible. We are witnessing the breakdown of intimacy on a global scale. For children, it can be particularly devastating. Some children may spend days and evenings trying to get their parents’ attention while the parents themselves scroll through TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, and others.”

He warned that this type of neglect may end up in long-term emotional results, equivalent to nervousness, low vanity, and difficulties in forming wholesome attachments afterward.

On his half, a pc engineer and net specialist, Victory Ndukwe, mentioned social media platforms are designed to maintain customers hooked, including that each notification, like, and remark triggers a small launch of dopamine – the mind’s reward chemical.

“Over time, this creates a cycle of dependence and other forms of addiction. You keep checking your phone for that next message or validation. It’s no longer about connection; it’s about compulsion. But it’s not only families that suffer; friendships, too, are fading into the background of curated online lives. Ironically, many people turn to social media to feel less lonely, yet excessive use often deepens isolation,” he famous.

Buttressing this level, a examine revealed within the National Library of Medicine by Tore Bonsaksen et al., titled, Associations between social media use and loneliness in a cross-national inhabitants: Do motives for social media use matter?, confirmed that the usage of social media as a way of sustaining relationships results in loneliness.

The authors investigated the affiliation between each day time spent on social media and loneliness in a cross-national inhabitants two years after the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic and examined any moderating results of motives for utilizing social media.

They discovered that the extra time spent on social media, the upper the degrees of loneliness, particularly amongst people who used social media to take care of relationships.

Taken along with research performed at earlier phases of the pandemic, the analysis means that the connection between extra frequent social media use and poorer psychological well being outcomes has been comparatively constant all through the pandemic.

“What got here as a novelty was the moderating impact of motives for social media use on the affiliation between social media use and loneliness.

“What this discovering suggests is that people whose motive for utilizing social media is to take care of relationships with different folks really feel lonelier than those that spend the identical period of time on social media however do it for different causes.

“While social media may facilitate social contact to a degree, it may not facilitate the type of contact sought by those who use social media primarily to maintain contact with others,” the examine added.