My child requested for a gaming console. I purchased it, however now I’m wondering if I ought to give it to them.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting recommendation column. Have a query for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding, 

My child is a struggling faculty scholar. I’m thrilled they’ll college and staying in class—they’ve a medical situation that’s disabling and tough to handle. Because of this, their grades are low and for the previous two semesters they’ve failed a category, dropped a category, and began taking a decrease course load to compensate. This semester, to attempt to keep nearer to on monitor, they’ve a full course load once more. Earlier final semester once they had been doing effectively, I obtained them the brand new gaming system they requested for, to provide to them for his or her birthday this month. However now I’m having second ideas about giving it to them.

If it goes with them again to high school, it will likely be a distraction from their research. What ought to I do right here? Give it to them outright, as they’re an grownup and might make selections, give it to the 2 of us collectively and demand it stays at residence, or discover a totally different, much less distracting reward? I’m inclined to the second selection but it surely appears a bit controlling. My husband is leaving the selection as much as me. What ought to I do?

—Torn Over Games

Dear Torn, 

Give your child the gaming system with out caveat and with pleasure. Tell them they deserve it and also you’re glad to provide them one thing they wished. Later, you may provide to allow them to preserve the console at residence in the event that they’d like. But inform them with conviction that you simply’re happy with them and know they will deal with it.

Your child is an grownup—a fledgling, positive, however imposing guidelines on them isn’t the best way to go right here. I’d additionally ask you, gently, to rethink your view of them as a “struggling college student.” A disabling medical situation is severe enterprise! From right here, it appears like they’re a profitable faculty scholar in that they’re enrolled and attempting.

Instead of worrying concerning the gaming console, I’d as an alternative prod them concerning the elevated course load and the purpose of “staying on track.” If their incapacity makes it exhausting for them to focus with a full course load, then their incapacity makes it exhausting for them to focus with a full course load. There’s nothing shameful or improper about that. That’s the message you must each be centered on. Good luck!

—Logan

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