Touring the World Getting One Million Hugs Helped Me Heal After Dropping My Brother on 9/11

[By David Sylvester]

My pal Kevin died at his desk on September 11, 2001, on the 99th ground of the North Tower of the World Trade Center.

I used to be in Philadelphia watching the Twin Towers fall on TV like everybody else, besides I knew somebody inside.

A lifelong optimistic presence, Kevin was somebody who made me need to be higher, and his loss left me adrift.

So 9 months after the towers fell, I acquired on a motorbike and honored his life by pedaling 4,200 miles throughout a grieving nation from Astoria, Oregon, to Kevin’s childhood house in Philadelphia.

Because the tragedy of that September day touched all of our lives indirectly, one thing shocking occurred on that journey.

Everywhere I ended, everybody wished to speak, to attach, to really feel protected, and above all, to hug.

Every citizen felt weak, and I used to be biking proper into their wounded hearts—and the nation’s conversations, connections, and hugs have been revitalizing.

So that first experience in 2002 turned a second in 2004—Cairo to Cape Town—after which a 3rd in 2007—Istanbul to Beijing—after which extra journeys throughout Australia, Europe, and Israel, hugging all of the whereas.

When I started this 25-year journey, I initially measured my accomplishments by distance, noting what number of 1000’s of miles I biked or drove. Then I spoke concerning the variety of individuals I hugged, noting that my document was 1,330 on July 31, 2017, in Las Vegas.

What started as an honor experience had developed into reputable analysis—a longitudinal examine inspecting human connection throughout 42 nations and 50 states, the place bodily contact served as each methodology and measure—from Tajikistan to Turkey, Malawi to Mexico, Namibia to Northern Ireland.

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How far can an embrace take you?

The circumstance of my presence opened the door for individuals to turn out to be extra forthcoming, open, trustworthy, understanding, and communicative, and created a hugging and therapeutic house for myself and others.

Their tales touched me, like in 2018 after I was flying to Anchorage and occurred to be seated subsequent to a person born in Alaska, however now residing in Delaware. Returning to settle his father’s affairs, he was clearly hurting. So throughout our flight, 30,000 ft above our lives, I opened up concerning the wide selection of feelings I went by after my father died.

Soon we have been swapping dad tales, laughing, crying, and even holding fingers. At baggage declare I gave him one among my hug coupon playing cards. We solely met that one time, however ever since, he messages me a number of instances a 12 months when he cleans out his pockets to say that my card is the one factor he retains, alongside along with his license and bank cards.

“It’s the purest thing I have,” he informed me.

Then there was the South Dakota highschool scholar I met in 2017, whose mother and father have been fighting habit and, now, joblessness. She emailed me that her pal stated, ‘We sure could use that guy who hugged people regardless of who they were right now,’ and ended her word with, “So years later I want to thank you for the love that you give.”

Then there’s the lady in Orlando I met in June 2016, simply days after the Pulse Nightclub bloodbath. She noticed me on an area morning present, providing hugs to anybody who wanted them, and drove straight to the memorial the place I might be.

She’d been following me since studying a 2008 piece I wrote for ESPN, and informed me she’d all the time wished a hug from me, however knew it will take one thing “extraordinary” for our paths to cross. She collapsed in my arms, and I can nonetheless really feel her tears on my cheek.

I keep in mind being in a mosque in Belfast, Northern Ireland, and assembly a Muslim girl who liked my story and private mission however couldn’t hug me. She puzzled if her smile went towards my ‘hug tally’.

With an enormous smile, I clicked my clicker and stated, “It does now!”

She lit up and informed me to attend there. A couple of minutes later, she returned with 5 girls and stated, “Tell them your story.”

As I shared my story, the ladies started to smile, and he or she yelled, “Click it! Click it!! Click it!”

I now have 1000’s of those tales, not as a result of I’m something particular; I’m only a common dude who found that the one measurement that counts and enriches the standard of our lives is depth: the depth of dedication, connection, love, devotion, and respect.

I additionally realized that hugs aren’t one-sided acts; they’re extremely communal and communicative. As I appeared deeper into the motion that made all of this doable, I developed a seven-principle framework—EMBRACE:

• E—Engage others with open hearts. Authenticity isn’t non-obligatory. People know whenever you’re being performative versus being current.
• M—Make significant connections. There’s a distinction between informal, well mannered contact and purposeful interplay. One probably empowers and energizes, whereas the opposite falls brief.
• B—Bridge our variations. I give attention to hugs, but it surely could possibly be high-5s or handshakes. Physical contact transcends language, tradition, race, and sophistication. I’ve seen it one million instances.
• R—Respect for all individuals. You have to be keen to satisfy individuals the place they’re and respect their boundaries. Connection isn’t about what you want—it’s about what they’re prepared for.
• A—Accept with out judgment. When in disaster contexts—trauma, habit, failure—individuals want grace, not analysis. Your job isn’t to love them or repair them. Your job is to see them.
• C—Create confidence in our shared price. Everyone must know they matter, so being acknowledged, if just for a second, might be the foundational spark of therapeutic.
• E—Engender hope by human contact. A hug isn’t simply consolation. It’s proof that somebody cares sufficient to remain. Hope isn’t only a feeling. It’s a pressure that strikes us.

These ideas aren’t theories from a textbook—they’re tried, examined, and confirmed classes earned on the bottom by partaking over a million individuals. And now they’re yours too.

It’s now 2026, twenty-five years after my pal’s loss of life, together with 2,976 others—and a lot of who we’re and the way we stay has modified.

Here’s what I’ve realized throughout my experiment. We all have a bigger capability for all the things than we consider, however, you’ll be able to’t outrun grief or fill life’s painful voids with distance, amount, substances, or geography.

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I’ve pedaled over 25,000 miles throughout Africa, Asia, Australia, and North America, and spent over 3 years of my life on the highway, however my pal remains to be gone, and his loss nonetheless hurts.

The solely factor that heals is depth—stopping lengthy sufficient to hear and being current lengthy sufficient to be heard and join.

With the EMBRACE ideas, you’ll see {that a} hug is greater than an extension of a handshake, and vulnerability isn’t a weak spot however a gateway to one thing healing.

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Kevin was my brother—not by blood, however by alternative—and whenever you lose a brother like that, you both shut down and let the world harden you, otherwise you open up.

The EMBRACE ideas—and all of the hugs—helped me reshape myself into a greater man.

So, how far can an embrace take you? If you’re keen to cease operating and go deep, a easy hug can take you fairly rattling far.

David “Big Dave” Sylvester is the writer of a brand new guide, Brothers in Arms: Real Men Hug (December 2025). Learn extra on his web site: davidhalesylvester.com