Finest mates grow to be platonic co-parent to foster daughter

Natalie and Shelbey have the mom of all friendships. 

The singletons, greatest gal buddies of 14 years, not too long ago took their relationship to the subsequent degree: platonic co-parenthood. 

“About two years in the past, I went to Shelbey and mentioned, ‘I really want to foster a child. Do you want to do it with me?” Natalie, 32, a pediatric development therapist from Wisconsin, told The Post. “‘Let’s pursue this collectively.’”

Natalie and Shelbey, 33, a service coordinator for teenagers with disabilities, each selected to not present their final names, nor the title of their foster daughter, for privateness functions. 

But the concept of turning into mommies as heterosexual roommates didn’t precisely excite Shelbey at first. 

“When she was like, ‘Hey, I wanna do this,’ I was like, ‘OK, that’s insane!,’” the millennial laughed. “My plan was always to get married and have biological children of my own.”

“But things weren’t going the way I’d anticipated, and I just decided to love and help raise this child,” she added, “It’s been really wonderful.”

The besties, now licensed foster mother and father to the toddler woman they acquired in May 2024, are among the many rising variety of of us remixing the principles of household. 

Rather than suspending parenthood till Mr. or Mrs. Right comes down the pipe, wannabe moms and dads — together with A-listers corresponding to Anderson Cooper and Van Johnson — are citing infants with their buds as a thumb to the nostril of custom. 

But Barbara Greenberg, a NYC scientific psychologist, beforehand informed The Post that the seemingly candy, albeit unusual setup can hit a couple of bitter notes. 

“Co-parenting can get very complicated, even among very good friends,” the skilled cautioned. “You have to do some major advance planning and talk through a wide range of scenarios, including what the labels will be for each parent, how holidays will be celebrated, where the child will live and what happens if someone gets a romantic partner.”

Lara Traum, an area household regulation legal professional, echoed the same warning, advising friends to rent particular person attorneys to assist them map out a stable parenting settlement earlier than going halfsies on slightly one. 

“Hopefully,” the authorized insider mentioned, “as friends you’re like-minded and share values to embark on this together.”

Shelbey tells The Post that like-mindedness is the lifeblood that retains her and Natalie on one accord as co-moms. 

“We’re very similar in how we parent,” mentioned the millennial, joking that “men don’t just always get it” relating to soft-handed child-rearing. 

“She and I align very well on how we approach children and how we want to be very positive parents,” Shelbey continued. “I couldn’t imagine raising a child with a man, because I just don’t think they’d offer the same level of care and understating as a woman.”

But earlier than discovering their rhythm as mothers-in-tandem, the ladies have been subjected to an intensive screening course of to make sure they’d be match foster mother and father. From background checks to trainings, to home-study investigations and one-on-one interviews, each Natalie and Shelbey have been put to the take a look at. 

And they offer potential suitors an equally intense examination earlier than taking the blokes on as romantic companions.   

“I have dated since we’ve become foster moms, and it’s a weird dynamic to explain,” mentioned Shelbey. Natalie, who’s fortunately single for the time being, says courting “isn’t worth” her time. 

“If someone isn’t understating of our situation, then he’s not the right person for me,” Shelbey added, noting, nonetheless, {that a} a number of males have been surprisingly “open and accepting” of her and Natalie’s ultramodern household dynamic. 

“I’ve had individuals who cherished [that we are foster co-parenting,” she said. “They’re like, ‘Weird is good. Why be normal?.’”

Natalie, who recently debuted their “weird” arrangement online to over 83,000 TikTok viewers, says fostering a kid with Shelbey by her side has made mommy-life a dream. 

“The mental load of foster care is really heavy,” she explained to The Post, “but having somebody to go through that with you — someone who’s equally invested and your best friend — makes it easier.”

Currently, the duo’s daughter is specifically a foster child, and is not up for adoption. 

Natalie and Shelbey say the state of Wisconsin does not allow two single co-parents to adopt a child, should the tyke ever become eligible for adoption. In the event of a change to her status, only one of the friends would be permitted to legally adopt the girl. 

But Natalie and Shelbey aren’t pre-planning for that eventuality at the moment.