My son says my mom is verbally abusive and he feels unsafe

DEAR ABBY: I’m reaching out as a single mom grappling with a critical heart-lung situation. My son’s father deserted us once I was pregnant, and I haven’t heard from him in additional than a decade. Thankfully, my dad and mom have been supportive co-parents through the years when my well being made issues extremely difficult.

I’ve at all times inspired my son to specific his emotions and have assured him that his feelings are legitimate. We share a robust bond, and he feels comfy discussing something with me. Recently, he confided that he feels unsafe at his grandparents’ home, the place he spends two nights per week. He revealed that his grandmother is verbally abusive and demanding — laughing at him when he makes errors, calling him a “loser,” making sneering feedback and talking poorly of me when they’re alone, although she’s nice to my face. 

My mom’s conduct is deeply troubling. My son is scared to have me confront her as a result of he’s fearful he can be punished for sharing his experiences. In another situation, I might inform my mom that till she chooses to not abuse, he received’t be staying over. However, we now have a mediated settlement that enables for these two overnights per week. I worry my mom might manipulate the scenario and mislead the courts to keep up this association. What ought to I do? — HOPELESS AND OVERWHELMED IN OREGON

DEAR HOPELESS: Something has gone mistaken with the association you’ve together with your mom. Any excessive change in conduct is troubling, and if her change of conduct is latest, she could must be medically evaluated. What it’s essential do now could be talk about this sorry scenario with an legal professional who might be able to problem the custody settlement and shield your son out of your mom’s abuse. 

DEAR ABBY: My son “Scot” not too long ago remarried. I wasn’t concerned in any of the preparations. I used to be additionally not acknowledged on the marriage ceremony and felt like simply one other visitor. My son determined to alter his final title with out informing me about it. When I requested why, he mentioned he had no declare to the title although he has a brother and youngsters with that final title. 

Am I mistaken for feeling I’ve been punched within the coronary heart for not being concerned on this resolution? The harm is actual. — MOM WHO DOESN’T MATTER

DEAR MOM: With this new marriage, Scot is beginning over, and the title change could also be his method of making a brand new starting. Obviously, you and your son usually are not shut sufficient that he confides in you, or he may need spoken to you about his resolution and defined it past feeling he had “no claim” to the title he, his brother and his youngsters had been raised with. Scot’s resolution was a private one. Whatever his cause, it has nothing to do with you, and it shouldn’t be thought to be a “punch in the heart.” (A flip of the abdomen, maybe, however by no means associated to you.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.