We thought studying this ebook to our daughter would put a cease to her bullying. Oh no, what have we accomplished?

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting recommendation column. Have a query for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I’ve two women, “Selena,” 6, and “Catherine,” 8. Selena is just a little on the chubby aspect, and Catherine has these days been making enjoyable of her for it.

In an effort to attempt to right Catherine’s habits, my mother-in-law learn the Judy Blume ebook Blubber to her. Instead of gaining perspective on the hurt bullying causes, Catherine is now singing the Blubber tune. Endlessly. We’ve taken away display time and privileges, however she nonetheless sings it after we aren’t inside earshot, and Selena’s vanity is in the bathroom. Can you recommend a approach we are able to get our daughter to know how dangerous her teasing is to her sister?

—It’s Not a Riot

Dear It’s Not a Riot,

I wish to commend you and your loved ones for addressing this difficulty early. Some dad and mom may shrug this off as simply traditional sibling squabbles, nevertheless it looks as if you and your loved ones have actually determined to work collectively to cease it.

At 8 years outdated, Catherine is sufficiently old to start out understanding how her habits impacts different individuals, and her singing this tune appears to be intentional and never an accident. She won’t know simply how dangerous bullying about weight might be, however she is aware of she’s saying and doing one thing that isn’t good, and she will in all probability inform by Selena’s response that it doesn’t make her sister glad.

It leads me to surprise why she’s doing it in any respect. Does she really feel like her sister, because the child, will get extra consideration? Does she assume that you just all care extra about her sister’s emotions? Is somebody making enjoyable of her about one thing else fully in school? I’d ask her: “If you see how sad your sister gets when you make fun of her, why would you do it?” Her reply may inform you a large number about methods to strategy this.

I additionally assume it’s price a direct discuss weight and bullying, for the reason that refined classes from the ebook didn’t do what you all hoped they’d. We can all subconsciously be affected by society’s magnificence requirements, and youngsters are not any completely different. So, it’s time to have a deeper discuss how we should always deal with individuals and the way we don’t let how individuals look have an effect on that. Weight might be one instance, however there are such a lot of others. You may even clarify to her that now that she’s 8, she’s no child. She’s a giant woman. And that is how we present that to others.

—Arionne

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