Dear Abby: My buddy’s verbally abusive ex-husband is pressuring her to stay with him

DEAR ABBY: I’ve a buddy, “Maron,” who’s 65 and divorced from her husband, who had been extraordinarily verbally abusive. Her grownup son has a daughter by a former associate who had little interest in the woman. The woman, “Lizzie,” resides together with her father (Maron’s son) in his father’s house.

Maron has taken an lively curiosity in her grandchild and spends numerous time together with her. Maron drives Lizzie to preschool though it’s an hour away from her and just a few minutes from her ex-husband’s house.

Recently, Maron’s ex has been pressuring her to maneuver again in with him. He says Lizzie wants a constant feminine presence. However, he additionally accuses her of being egocentric, thus perpetuating his verbal abuse. What ought to she do? — IN THE MIDDLE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Unless Maron desires to flee the hearth solely to leap again into the frying pan, she ought to preserve her separate residence. Because her ex’s verbal abuse was so dangerous she left the wedding, she shouldn’t enable herself to be guilted into permitting extra of it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of fifty years sits in his chair for hours at a time making on-line purchases he thinks are a necessity or simply plain intriguing. We get two or three packages a day, which normally include “Buy two and get a third one free” — fruit corers, citrus squeezers, air fresheners, car-washing provides, cellphone holders, and so on.

What’s irritating is that we have already got the superbly practical gadgets he’s bought. Most of the time they get pushed apart and never used. He additionally buys meals gadgets which might be on a repeat subscription, filling our pantry with a lot overflow that we should throw away completely good meals to make room for the most recent gadgets.

These purchases go on his bank card and quantity to greater than $2,000 per thirty days. My profession supported us financially, so my husband didn’t must work, however he was busy with the household in lots of different methods. Now that I’m retired and not have an revenue, I have a look at the monetary drain his compulsive on-line purchasing has been inflicting.

We cordially and generally humorously talk about his obsession, and he guarantees to abstain, however the subsequent week, 15 extra pointless gadgets are delivered. What can I do to keep away from being buried beneath junk in my own residence? — COVERED IN IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR COVERED: You have recognized what your drawback is: compulsive spending. Now that you’re retired, I’m certain the cash your husband has been blowing might be put to higher use. For some folks, compulsive purchasing and overspending can develop into an dependancy. Your husband could also be a type of; others discover the dopamine rush helps with despair.

The subsequent time you and your husband talk about his on-line actions, inform him a 12-step group referred to as Spenders Anonymous helps folks overcome this drawback. You can study extra on-line at spenders.org.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.