Dear Abby: My divorced mother says I betrayed her by internet hosting my stepfather and his new spouse

DEAR ABBY: My mom and stepfather, “Pop,” divorced a couple of years in the past. He was the one father determine in my life and was good to me, so I wish to preserve a relationship with him. What occurred between them is a “he said, she said” scenario. I don’t know the place the reality lies, and I’ve tried laborious to not take sides. 

Last 12 months, Pop and his new spouse, “Judy,” needed to go to. I now reside a few thousand miles away. He deliberate to get a resort, however I requested them to remain right here, which my husband agreed with. I have to admit that Pop appears a lot happier than he was with Mom, and Judy could be very good. Plus, my children actually appreciated her. 

When Mom got here right here a couple of months later and requested about their go to, I advised her that Pop was effectively and Judy was nice. She then blew her lid and mentioned that was a betrayal to her. She’s now calling me a traitor and tells everybody, often by way of a flood of tears, that I like Pop greater than her, and that his new spouse is a witch and a homewrecker. 

Mom is retired and never in good well being, and she or he plans to maneuver nearer to my household within the close to future so she gained’t be alone. She has nobody else. I wish to transfer past all this, and I’m keen to assist her in her later years. I talk often with Pop, and he won’t go to once more when Mom lives shut by as he doesn’t need me in the midst of a muddle. How do I soothe issues together with her? I do love her, however I don’t wish to write Pop out of my life. — TORN IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR TORN: You might not be capable to soothe your mom’s emotions, however you could possibly attain an understanding in the event you inform her, ideally in particular person, that you’d be pleased if she moved nearer and you’re keen to assist her in her later years, BUT you propose to keep up a relationship with Pop and his spouse. 

Explain to her that you’re not her possession or his, and nobody ought to dictate who you see or don’t see. Say you’re sorry she and Pop didn’t make it to the end line, however holding him in your life will not be a betrayal of anybody.

DEAR ABBY: My husband began a aspect enterprise in the course of the pandemic making and promoting small batch sizzling sauces. Five years have handed, and a 12 months and a half in the past I advised him I must be paid for my time when he wants assist manning the sales space at an eight-hour-long road truthful. I advised him I didn’t assume it was truthful to count on his spouse to just accept 50% much less per hour than the 14-year-old he employed to present me a break. 

Now he’s resentful that I receives a commission to work for his enterprise “when he hasn’t paid himself.” He additionally expects me to “volunteer” my time to assist him arrange earlier than and break down after occasions. We have been collectively 25 years, married for 15, however we have now at all times had our personal financial institution accounts and paid our personal payments. Is this truthful? — HIRED HELP IN THE WEST

DEAR HIRED HELP: Your husband is assuming you’re indentured labor. He ought to give YOU a break by paying you as a lot as he pays the 14-year-old he employed. What he pays (or doesn’t pay) himself for working this enterprise is irrelevant. 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.