Danica Patrick’s six-pack triggers the body-shamers, Trump’s ‘Patriot Games’ will get an unlikely associate & NFL!

‘Nightcaps’ is a day by day column that catches you up on the most important sports activities, information and tradition tales you will have missed whereas pretending to do work at your desk. It runs Monday–Friday on OutKick.com.

Over the hump and safely into the second half of the week. Whew. We made it!

More importantly … we MADE it. It’s again. It’s right here. Our lengthy, nationwide nightmare is over. Put all of the WNBA discuss within the attic till subsequent summer time. The biggest sport on the planet is again after an extended, darkish winter.

Sure, it does not imply something and we cannot know any of the gamers, however Lordy, it is lastly right here …

The Patriot Games start this weekend!

Wait, what? That’s proper. You can have your Hall of Fame recreation, NFL. In this class, we’re locked in on Donald Trump’s “Patriot Games.” You’ll see.

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps — the one the place Danica Patrick exhibits off her six-pack and offers with a pair nasty web trolls.

What else? I’ve bought ESPN and Disney extending the White House an olive department, the wildest celebration in MLB historical past was uncorked final evening, and the Phillies yanked a fan out of the group final evening to do play-by-play within the radio sales space, and he would possibly simply be the best announcer I’ve ever heard.

Sometimes, you are simply born to play a job.

OK, seize you an IPA on National IPA Day to have a good time the NFL’s return tonight, and settle in for a Thursday ‘Cap!

The Patriot Games are right here!

Loaded day, so let’s get this class began.

Welcome again, NFL. Sure, it is the Hall of Fame recreation, which suggests actually no one of notice can be enjoying, however no matter. Last I checked, the oldsters in Vegas nonetheless ship you cash for preseason video games!

On that notice, I’ll gladly hammer the over tonight. I have not positioned a wager in months. I’ve $7 left in my Hard Rock account after final soccer season (it went nice, clearly), and I plan to throw all of it on the OVER at 34.5 factors.

Kenny Pickett can sling the rock. At the very least, he will not be an insurance coverage salesman a month from now. That means one thing in a recreation like this.

No offense to these within the insurance coverage recreation, by the way in which. I spent my formidable highschool years submitting papers on the native Allstate department.

You’re in good arms!

Anyway, I can not wait to begin the 12 months 0-1! A convention in contrast to some other.

Now, on a extra critical notice … did anybody right here know the “Patriot Games” have been beginning this weekend? Of course you did not.

But they’re, and so they simply bought an unlikely associate within the type of ESPN and Disney:

Danica Patrick’s six-pack has people speaking

Look on the lineup! We’ve bought kickball, dodgeball, tug-o-war, pop-a-shot (!!!) and, after all, some variation of the tried and true Presidential Fitness Test.

All on the ESPN app and ABC. Amazing.

For those that missed it final December (all of you), Trump introduced these “Patriot Games” as a part of America’s 250th birthday. One boy and lady from every state can be represented.

From the official release:

“Freedom 250 announced that the 2026 Patriot Games will bring together outstanding young Americans from across the nation to compete, inspire, and showcase the values that have shaped the United States for nearly 250 years.

“The competitors will award a $250,000 scholarship prize pool to 1 male and one feminine champion, creating life-changing alternatives for younger Americans whereas inspiring thousands and thousands throughout the nation.”

President Donald Trump joins young athletes exercising following a proclamation signing in the Oval Office of the White House on May 5, 2026, in Washington, D.C. Trump signed a presidential memorandum restoring the Presidential Fitness Test Award, which reintroduces a performance-based benchmark in physical education. (Getty Images)

Anyone here remember the old fitness tests in PE? Goodness, what a time to be alive. We had the mile run. The pull-up bar. Sit-ups. Push-ups. The stupid one-arm hang.

Just the best.

Lordy. Were those the days, or what? We had it all, folks.

Anyway, ESPN and Disney putting all of this on their network(s) is no small feat considering they don’t exactly get along with the Trump Administration.

Something to do with Jimmy Kimmel, if I remember correctly!

Perhaps this is an olive branch? A way to get back in the good graces of the current president? Not the craziest idea in the world.

Regardless, I’ll be locked in on some high school kickball come Sunday afternoon. Can’t wait.

Moving on …

From the Patriot Games to an American patriot, Danica Patrick!

MLB’s big night, reader mail & Lindsey takes us home

That’s two cameos in the past week from Danica Patrick. Last week, we had her debuting some new-fangled “double-bikini” look in Europe, and now she’s back on the beach showing America that she’d undoubtedly crush the fitness test.

Some folks hopped in Danica’s comments section and voiced some concern:

“OK. I get TRIM and FIT. But like something…all issues moderately. Honestly…y’all want some carbs and protein. A pair Double Doubles with Cheese, Fries and a Chocolate Shake a few times every week gained’t harm,” said one fan.

“Omgosh, somebody seize her some tacos,” added another.

Said a third: “Someone must take you to dinner.”

DANICA PATRICK STUNS FANS FROM EUROPE

Danica Patrick appears on the Sky Sports set before the qualifying session of the Formula 1 MSC Cruises United States Grand Prix at Circuit of The Americas in Austin, Texas, on Oct. 18, 2025. (Ken Murray/Icon Sportswire)

Piss off, internet. Sorry Danica’s ripped at 44. I think she’ll be just fine. She seems to be in a fairly good spot right now, given her months-long vacation in Europe.

No Danica slander in this class. Not on my watch.

OK, let’s rapid-fire this Thursday class into a big Thursday night of football … and baseball!

Speaking of … We had a couple incredible moments out of the league last night, including a rookie pitcher making his debut in Cleveland, and a rookie broadcaster making his in Philly:

Goodness gracious. Where do I even begin?

1. On the Mets kid … I’ve never seen anything quite like it. What a power move, especially for a rookie. Thank God pitchers don’t hit anymore. He’d get drilled in the earhole so fast, heads would spin. Could you IMAGINE getting struck out by this animal? How long until someone charges the mound? I give it a week. Maybe less.
2. On the fan announcer … is that the greatest baseball announcer voice of all time? It’s so spot-on, you almost think it’s AI. And they just pulled this guy off the streets! Don’t send him back. Sign him to a new deal and make him a star. What a voice.

Next on the docket? Let’s go ahead and check the mail before the final bell.

From Michael P:

Zach, it was fun watching the evolution of the SNF theme song through the years. Remember P!nk from 2006? Faith Hill from 2007-2013? There was a different song that was used from 2016-2018 before the original song came back in 2019.

It was also cool to see Joan Jett playing lead guitar in 2019. You may not realize that the melody of the SNF theme song was taken from the Joan Jett song “I Hate Myself For Loving You” from the 1980’s. Thanks for the walk down memory lane.

NASCAR’S NATALIE DECKER PEELS BACK HER FIRESUIT

AMERICAN IDOL – “910 (Songs of Faith)” – “American Idol” goes live on ABC and Disney+, showcasing the Idol hopefuls as they lift their voices in inspiring songs of faith. By the end of the night, only 12 finalists will continue on the journey to become the next singing sensation. MONDAY, MARCH 30 (8:00-10:02 p.m. EDT) on ABC. (Disney/Eric McCandless) CARRIE UNDERWOOD (Photo by Eric McCandless/Disney via Getty Images) (Eric McCandless/Disney via Getty Images)

Thanks, Mike! That’s obviously in response to yesterday’s class in which we combed through a YouTube video showing every single version of the “Sunday Night Football” open from 2006-2020.

The “completely different track” Mike’s referring to was the infamous, “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Sunday evening!” version with Carrie Underwood. It was horrible. Why do network’s insist on messing with things that work?

Naturally, NBC went back to the “Waiting all day for a Sunday evening” in 2019, and it remains untouched today.

Don’t ever touch it again, NBC. Please. And don’t you dare replace Carrie Underwood, either. She has a lifetime contract.

OK, that’s it for today. Solid Thursday, everyone. Welcome back, football.

And welcome back, Lindsey Vonn!

See you tomorrow.

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What was your best mile run in PE? Email me at [email protected].