Cinnamon Secrets: Surprising Facts About Holiday Feasts and the Insects You Didn’t Know About!

A well-prepared cook is a content cook, particularly on the significant day when all your hard work organizing and preparing a festive Christmas feast is put on display for a group of ravenous, critical individuals with strong opinions about Justin Trudeau, electric cars, and the surprising prevalence of high-profile food recalls in Canada this year.

Perhaps a well-prepared cook isn’t exactly a content cook so much as someone who needs less medication. Anyway, I was joking about the many food recalls — according to the Canadian Food Inspection Agency, there have been only 139 up until this fiscal period!

Nevertheless, organization is paramount, and I am here to assist with the planning and arrangements because this weekend is vital for effectively launching your Christmas operation, particularly if you wish to enjoy a drink or two before flambéing the pudding.

Your initial task today is to examine the ingredients. On average, there are 200-250 food recalls annually. You should be safe enough if you have CBC Radio on right now and continuously to catch any food recall notifications before you finish this paragraph.

Let us assume that you have already arranged for a fresh turkey, wildebeest, or whatever large specialty meat is currently fashionable. This should have been taken care of around the same time you were considering plans for the May long weekend.

Your second task is to inspect the turkey for glass. That’s one reason for a food recall, as well as for potential pathogens like listeriosis, unlabeled allergens such as ragweed pollen, and because food isn’t labeled in both English and French/ Anglais et français.

Let’s also suppose you’ve already purchased shelf-stable items to avoid the crowds at grocery stores this week. The optimal time to stock up on wine, beer, crackers, gourmet cheeses, wine, beer, dreadful mince pies, wine, and beer is right after Christmas last year when they are on sale.

I was joking about steering clear of busy shops. You still have the Big Shop to complete this weekend, gathering all the necessary fresh items: vegetables, dairy, wine, beer, cranberry sauce, herbs, wine, and beer.

Verify you have enough stale bread and a minimum of twenty pounds of salt available for the stuffing. Leftover drywall and driveway de-icer can be used as substitutes, but perhaps check with the American Food and Drug Administration first, which offers helpful guidelines for identifying “safe levels” of all sorts of substances commonly found in food without it being recalled.

We are talking about insect fragments, rat hairs, feces, maggots, that sort of thing. For instance — and I promise I am not fabricating this — cranberry sauce is permitted to have an average of 15% mold filaments.

If you are preparing gravy from stock, which is a small cube of roughly meat-flavored chemicals, make it today. It’s a simple task that will envelop your home with delightful aromas and oily residue. Additionally, it’s wise to confirm that you’ve wrapped all the presents so you won’t be in a last-minute scramble to remove all the gravy stains.

This is also a great moment to acknowledge that you forgot to find out precisely what “brining” means. You have two choices: burst into tears or toughen up and simply toss a jar of pickles into the roasting pan.

On Christmas Eve, sharpen your knives and start slicing the vegetables. You’ll need assistance with peeling potatoes, so recruit someone skilled at stabbing and slicing. Save your least experienced volunteer for preparing the Brussels sprouts, as this particular dish will not truly be consumed.

Regrettably, on Christmas morning, you will need to calculate how long to cook the turkey using math. First, uh … let me check if I recall this properly … Multiply the weight of the turkey in pounds by nine-fifths and then add 32. Be sure to carry the two. Also, remember to turn on the oven. You may want to turn it on now while it’s on your mind.

Timing is crucial! If you’re dining at three in the afternoon, you should boil the vegetables, steam the pudding, warm the sauces, and carve the turkey by around noon, allowing it ample time to adequately dry in a warm oven.

For your peace of mind, it’s advisable to have the FDA’s “Defect Levels Handbook” I mentioned earlier at your disposal … uh, handy. This is in case any relative wants to debate the acceptable limits of defects in the food you serve them. You can confidently counter any complaints with the following facts:

• Ground cinnamon can have as much as 400 insect fragments (heads, legs, wings, etc.) per 50 grams, while crushed oregano can hold up to 300 insect fragments.

• Cocoa beans are allowed to contain up to 10 milligrams of “mammalian excreta” per pound, and wheat can include up to nine rodent feces pellets per kilogram.

• Canned or dried mushrooms can have 75 mites per 100 grams, but frozen spinach is restricted to only 50 mites.

• Maraschino cherries are acceptable as long as no more than 5% of the cherries harbor maggots, and citrus fruit juice can permit up to one maggot per 250 milliliters.

The handbook further details acceptable levels of rodent hair, mold, and “objectionable foreign materials,” which encompass sticks, stones, burlap sacks, and cigarette butts.

Naturally, your grand meal contains no objectionable foreign materials apart from a few guests, as you are now incredibly organized!

You’re welcome, and Merry Christmas!

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