Dear Abby: I’m wondering about my estranged good friend’s loss of life

DEAR ABBY: My good friend “Ben” and I had many ups and downs in our 30-year friendship. Three years in the past, we had one among our periodic blowouts and stopped talking. I came upon lately that he handed away a 12 months later, and I used to be by no means knowledgeable. The obituary I discovered on-line doesn’t point out a explanation for loss of life. 

I wrote a letter of condolence to his spouse, nevertheless it was returned, and I came upon that she moved away from the home the place she and Ben had been dwelling. I want to know what occurred to my good friend, as he was solely in his early 50s. Although we weren’t talking on the time of his loss of life, we had a few years of friendship underneath our belts, and I cared about him. I discovered a Facebook web page for his spouse, however this appears an impersonal approach of reaching out on such a sober subject. Any solutions? — CARED FOR HIM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CARED: If you and Ben had mutual buddies, a solution to discover out the knowledge you’re in search of, together with his widow’s deal with, may be by them. Do it privately. To strategy her on-line asking for the small print of his loss of life could be off-putting, insensitive and probably hurtful in mild of the truth that you have been estranged on the time of his loss of life.

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DEAR ABBY: My 63rd birthday is arising. I don’t like celebrating my birthday and by no means have. I would favor that the day be ignored. I do know my spouse of virtually 38 years, our two boys and their important others are planning one thing. 

I would favor they spend the cash on themselves or at the least donate it to some worthy charity relatively than spend it on me. Given that birthdays are necessary to them, should I simply grin and bear it, or ought to I say one thing and threat inflicting sick will? — OLDER IN ISRAEL

DEAR OLDER: Surely your spouse, who has been with you for almost 4 a long time, is aware of your emotions on this topic. Tell her one thing is afoot, and gently point out that you’d choose that the celebration be saved small. Name the charity of your selection, and inform her you hope the birthday price range will likely be despatched there relatively than spent on you.

If your spouse ignores your plea and a large fete does materialize, do your finest to endure it with grace and a smile. Remember that these persons are celebrating you as a result of they love you.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m married, and I’ve lately began growing a crush on my co-worker. We have labored collectively for 4 years. I’m not going to pursue something, as a result of dishonest is in opposition to my morals. I simply really feel unhealthy for having these emotions. What can I do to get my emotions towards my co-worker in test? — CRUSHING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CRUSHING: The guilt you’re experiencing is an efficient factor; it has saved you from making a horrible mistake. If it’s any consolation, keep in mind that crushes like this normally reduce in time, even when they make the current considerably uncomfortable.

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TO MY READERS: Happy New Year to my buddies of the Jewish religion! During this time of repentance, observant Jews replicate on their lives and make amends, searching for a more in-depth relationship with God. Happy Rosh Hashanah! — LOVE, ABBY

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For almost 4 a long time, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was based in 1956 by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.