Dear Abby: My husband’s sons need him to dump me and transfer again in with their mom

DEAR ABBY: My husband was married to a lady who lied to him about being pregnant. She wasn’t on the time, however she later grew to become pregnant. They had two sons and divorced 5 years later. He by no means cherished her.

I married him eight years after that. We have been fortunately married for 45 years. I all the time thought I had an awesome relationship with each of his sons (now 58 and 56). When we retired and moved to Florida, they out of the blue grew to become offended and introduced that that they had all the time hated me.

They had needed us to maneuver subsequent door to their mom and dwell as “one big, happy family.” My husband and I couldn’t think about that. His ex is nicely educated and has a Ph.D. in household remedy. She by no means remarried. She is manipulative and controlling.

Now, they received’t converse to us or allow us to see the 4 grandchildren. It’s heartbreaking. We reached out twice, attempting to make amends. We had a beautiful relationship with three of the grandchildren earlier than this occurred. My husband’s sons informed him: “Dad, if you move back here, live close to mom and leave your current wife, we will forgive you.” Help! — SADDENED IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR SADDENED: How does your husband really feel concerning the emotional blackmail his sons are trying? Forgive me for utilizing the vernacular, however they and their household therapist mom are loony tunes! You don’t want my assist. You and your husband want solely to make use of your widespread sense. What is being proposed is exterior the realm of actuality.

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DEAR ABBY: I’ve two nieces. Each has two kids. The kids vary from 12 to 18 years outdated. All of them dwell in my nation of origin in Europe. I haven’t been in a position to go to for greater than 10 years, so the youthful ones don’t keep in mind me. I’ve, nonetheless, all the time despatched them presents of cash for Christmas and birthdays, round $25 every time for every youngster, plus their moms. When the eldest was 18, I despatched a bigger present, round $75, with related quantities for important examination outcomes and commencement. I intend to do that for all 4 of them.

My query is: Can I cease these presents now that one is an grownup and part out the presents for all of them after they graduate from highschool? I can afford to maintain on giving them $25 for the vacations and birthdays, however it isn’t going to purchase them a lot in school and, to be trustworthy, I’m rising a bit uninterested in all of the gifting.

I perceive the eldest two are significantly sensible and can go to well-known universities, however I haven’t seen any proof that they’ll write in any respect (i.e., not one thank-you letter, ever!) Would it appear imply and petty if I ended, or ought to I wait till they’re out of faculty? — MEAN AUNTIE IN N. CAROLINA

DEAR AUNTIE: Do not punish the children for one thing their mother and father failed to show them. The cash you could have been sending hasn’t created a hardship for you, and a sample has been established. If you choose to cease the financial presents, clarify to your nieces your disappointment that in all these years you could have obtained not one response on your thoughtfulness from their kids.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.